Learning to Live Loved

Next Steps

2009-09-11T16:30:00.003+02:00

I am back in the States, working again in orthodontics, getting ready to move into a house by a park and a library (my happy places), reconnected with my church families (now up to 3 in just this city), am back into beating my body at the gym, and have gotten to know my nieces and nephews a bit better. There are SO many ministry opportunities I want to jump into, but it's like God has a hand on my shoulder and He says "wait." I feel like a race horse ready to bolt out of the gates into something big.

So I wait and study in the meantime. I'm reading Piper's Desiring God by night, listening to The Heavenly Man during work, studying Romans on my own and with church family #3, Luke with church #2, 1 Cor with church #1, and starting a New Testament Survey class this week. I like learning. I like books. Maybe it's time for some more school :)

Indiana Girl

2009-08-08T15:29:00.003+02:00

In a surprising turn of events I've moved back to the States this week. I already miss my friends in Germany, and I expect that to get even tougher when the students return to school in a couple weeks. BUT, I am excited to be here.

Today is the quads (my nieces and nephews) 2nd birthday, and I'm really looking forward to actually knowing them. It's great to see family and friends instead of playing catch up via scattered emails.

I've got some interesting business opportunities that I'm considering, a few potential roommates, a car that I'll probably buy today, and two wonderful church families with whom to reconnect. If any of you local readers know of a job, house, or motorcycle that you think would suit me, please email :)

I'm so thankful to have spent the last year in Germany because God taught me some invaluable lessons. He stripped away a lot of my pride and materialism. Although He could have burned away that chaff through some other means, He chose Germany. And I'm so thankful. I moved there with 2 suitcases and a rubbermaid tub. I lived in an apartment I saw for the first time when I moved in. I drove a purple car that I called the Confetti Mobile. And I did more than survive. I learned how liberating it is to not be tied down to STUFF- a ton of possessions and luxurious things to worry about.

Pre-Germany, I used to try to reach out to hurting people in hard places. But when I'd pick them up in my brand new car and drive them across town to my picture perfect apartment, I never saw the chasm that automatically made between us. Praise the Lord He opened my eyes to that and taught me how to live more humbly. I want to connect and love people where they are, not rub in their faces all the things they don't have. So that's what I hope to do here- live humbly and love generously.

Male RAs

2009-07-20T09:44:00.009+02:00

School starts back up in a few weeks, and we are in desperate need of at least 2 quality guys to come on staff as RAs in the boys dorms. We have 3 male dorms full of teenage guys needing role models (as well as someone to do their cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving, help with homework, overseeing their chores, having fun with, etc).

Right now each of the dorms only has 1 returning male RA and 1 female RA. While us ladies are perfectly capable to do the work of the job, it would be a disservice to the boys to have a bunch of women raising them. They need men to teach them how to be men!

Please help me spread the word. Right now it's just me and Timmy as RAs for the 28 Men of Maug, and that just isn't gonna cut it! Last year they had 4 RAs and were still running ragged a lot of the time.

If you'd like to know more, send me an email or check out BFA's website

Don't you want to be a part of this? :)

And here's an update on the construction of the dorm. Still a ton or work to be done- maybe more than is finished. Here are some pictures:

The TV Room / My Temporary Bedroom & Workout Room

Michelle has been missing having Sky TV to watch American news. After weeks of fighting for it, the satellite showed up. I thought the name was appropriate.

These are the "stairs" to the top floor

New dishwasher (...cute)

The new kitchen. Check out how HUGE the hood is (the entire suspended unit)!

The scaffolding area will hopefully be a dining room within the next few weeks.

Bathroom full of stuff until the floor is laid everywhere else

And, finally, the difference between watching a puppy (Jersey, Palm dorm pup) and a dog (Maggie, Maug dorm boss):

Hi, My name is...

2009-07-07T13:02:00.003+02:00

Overwhelmed.

The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.

There is so much work to be done here and very few workers. I just hit the pause button on the overwhelming spiral of events, got some Asia Wok 33a and sang this song a few times. And now Carol and I are going to pray for some more workers.

Sugar & Spice

2009-07-02T12:48:00.005+02:00

and everything nice. It is really hot here in unairconditioned Germany, living in the top floor, skylit, sun beaming (beating) in apartment with the shedding dog and corduroy couch. So here's a list of things I'm really enjoying:

1. AC in my car :)
2. Oscillating fans
3. Singing loudly in cornfields
4. Don Camillo Bolognese Sauce
5. Starburst Jellybeans
6. Spinach Dip
7. The Cannonhands CD I got in the mail today!
8. Porch Nights
9. Settlers of Catan
10. Evansville Living magazine (that I also got in the mail today!)
11. The latest pictures of my nieces and nephews
12. Orchids
13. Colossians
14. Fritz from "The Closer"
15. Tony's Creole Spice
16. German computer keyboards
17. Day dates
18. The French contemporary Christian radio station here

Books

2009-06-24T21:25:00.004+02:00

Several things have happened since my last entry. Graduation, students and staff saying goodbye and spreading across the world, moving out of my apartment, parents visiting, and moving my future dorm from one building to another. Yes, a lot has been going on, but the last few days have been much slower.

I'm dogsitting for a puppy who likes to chew and do rotten things when I'm not around. So instead of running around and searching for things to do, I've stayed in the last few nights to keep Jersey company and out of trouble. I've read some excellent books. For Men Only by the Feldhahns, a companion book to For Women Only. I've read the latter a few times, so it was a treat to read the flipside. I strongly recommend couples reading this book when preparing for marriage.

I also read Life Together by Bonhoeffer about living in Christian community. I am putting together some notes and thoughts about this book still and will probably read it again before I share about it. But also, another great and sound book.

Today I finished Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot and started Dan Kimball's The Emerging Church. It is Elliot's book on which I wish to comment. There are 15 main points I gleaned from her writing, but I think to include them all would be doing a disservice to the entirety of the book. So I'll just share a few highlights and recommend you to read it.

Tonight I shared with a female friend how I was challenged, how I was challenged on behalf of the men in my life, and what to do with loneliness and the seemingly far-fetched idea while on staff here of "being in love."

Elliot wrote these words that challenged my attitude and paradigm toward my motives, "the majority will sacrifice anything- security, honor, self-respect, the welfare of the people they love, obedience to God- to passion. They will even tell themselves that they are obeying God (or at least that He doesn't mind) and congratulate themselves for being so free, so released, so courageous, so honest, and 'up front.'"

And then, this challenged me for the men in my life (although it also applies to women). "We have to learn to trust in little things, even in what may seem like silly things if we are ever going to be privileged to suffer in the big things. The man who can be trusted in little things can be trusted also in great."

After I shared this with my friend, her response to the idea of a man being trustworthy for a little thing was comical to her. She bit back, "Men?! Actually doing what they say they will? That's just how they are." It hurt to hear her say that because she believes it. She has obviously not had men in her life to prove her wrong, and that is sad.

On loneliness, Elliot wrote, "If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord?" Interesting thought. It is in the lonely times that I tend to draw near. And he strengthens me. "Anyone can carry his burden, however heavy, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down." I know it's trite to say "one day at a time," but really, when I offer my loneliness to God one day at a time, it is not as daunting. He carries me. And after a while prompts me to look back and realize how far we've gone just one day at a time.

And finally, on being in love: "'Being in love' first moved them [any couple] to promise fidelity: this quieter love [love the commitment, not the feeling] enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

Good book. I'm thoroughly challenged to stop congratulating myself on being "so free" and thus, doing what I know I shouldn't, to be faithful in doing little things so that I'm trustworthy in big things, to offer my loneliness to Christ and live purely one day at a time, and finally to not be in love with the idea of being in love.

Spring Party 09

2009-05-31T13:16:00.013+02:00

Spring Party was viking themed this year. Food, games, music, and fun.

Tug of War. The rope snapped after 3 good pulls during the juniors v. seniors

These boys found a loop hole to the 6-legged race

Spectators

With two of my FAVORITE girls!

Gettin ready to hop

FOOD!

Cara practicing Dog Whisperer

Dancing away from the students to not embarrass their daughters

Aww, we're gonna miss Hawkins and Joni at Maug!

The giant dance party

Boys and Fire...

Guzik showing his skills

My dance circle :)

So intimidating in their braids

Ready to rap

Winding down

And then we celebrated Timmy's birthday back at the dorm...

"You think these knives will work?"

Ready to get their RA

About 45 seconds later. Double whip cream pied in the face
Tradition is just one from your roommate...guess Timmy got special treatment for being staff
I told the guys I'm glad that my birthday falls in the summer. Their reaction?
"Don't worry. We celebrate half birthdays"

More tradition: carrying him to the trough

Drop him and RUN before he can hug/tackle you!!
I thought I was safe as the photographer (and female), but then someone had to yell "GET SARAH!"

Like a Candy Cane

2009-05-19T21:15:00.004+02:00

Saturday I watched 4 soccer games and have the sunburned face, chest, and funny criss-crossed patterns on my shoulders and back to prove it. Most entertaining is that my hair was apparently across my face for the entire day... and never moved. Because there's a diagonal line across my face, bright red with leprous peeling on one side, ghost white on the other. I'm pretty :)

I tried taking several pictures, but it's not capturing the dramatic contrast. Do you know how many times I've heard "you got some sun!" in the last few days? I thought about posting a sign on my office door that says something like "Service can be refused to those who make obvious and/or dumb comments."

So instead I'll post a couple pictures of the early stages of the BIG Maugenhard dorm move (moving everything in a dorm for 30+ guys) and a couple ones from my last trip to see Denton (and the flat tire fiasco). Please note his why-are-you-taking-a-picture-of-me face, haha.

Awake

2009-05-14T02:32:00.000+02:00

Still awake at 2:30am and thinking about Titus 2.

1But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.

3Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

6Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; 7in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, 8sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.

I find it slightly amusing that of the four categories of people listed here (older & younger men & women), the younger men have a considerably shorter list of things to learn. To be sensible. Although it could be argued that the "likewise" at the start of verse 6 means ditto for the dudes.

Titus 2:3-5 has been one of my favorite passages for a long time. One of my favorite small group book studies, "A Woman's High Calling" by Elizabeth George, is based on this passage.

I'm pondering which younger women I am pouring into and what I am doing to teach what is good and encourage them to love. I'm also thinking about who are the older women in my life from whom I can learn what is good and be encouraged by to love. Honestly, I feel unbalanced right now. I'm pouring out my 23+ years of wisdom (which is a lot of learn-from-my-mistakes) on these high school girls but not getting much of the more versed and aged wisdom instilled in me. Hm... think I'll have to do something about that. Anyone interested in being an older woman to me? :)

May for Memories

2009-05-12T20:21:00.003+02:00

I am still ecstatic for all the things about which I've recently been reeling- people expressing a common desire for real community, getting to live with students, and hopefully being able to drive again soon (although I put 800km on my car driving to Frankfurt today, shh!)

But for me, May is a month of remembrance. There are lots of wonderful things to remember this month. Nana & Jenny's birthdays. Graduations and proms. Big soccer games. But there are also tough things. I've known 8 people who have committed suicide, and all but one have been in April or May. I always kind of feel like I'm holding my breath during the Spring, not just because of allergies, but also hoping that I'll make it through the season without going to a funeral of a friend. Sunday night I pulled out their fading obituaries to remind myself of the importance of relationships.

God designed us for relationships. It is not good to be indefinitely alone. A quote from my friend Amy's obit from 2002 reads "All Amy wanted was to succeed. And she did. She succeeded in touching all of us." But she didn't know that. She used to send me the most random emails. I didn't even think we were particularly close, but she would write emails just telling me about her day as if it were commonplace for us to share even the inconsequential things in life. And I could probably count on one hand how many times I wrote her back.

I know none of these were my fault, and I'm not looking for anyone to remind me of that. I want to encourage you all to really really love the people in your life. Tell them what they mean to you even if it means making you vulnerable. Stop being so busy and make time to shoot the breeze together. Return emails, even if they seem insignificant. Drive friends to the airport at 3:30am. Don't be afraid to show affection or say the word LOVE. And most importantly, share the reason for the hope that you have.

Who Loves Driving? I Do!

2009-05-07T17:13:00.002+02:00

Is there a cloud above cloud nine? Because that's where I am :)

Another miracle! I should have a German driver's license in a few weeks!!!!

Here's how it works: I needed to get the mayor's office to stamp my application as proof that I actually reside here. Then the German version of the BMV known as the Fuehrersteinstelle at the Landratsamt for Landkreis Loerrach approves the application. I pay and then wait three weeks or so until I get a card in the mail telling me my German license (valid for life) is ready to be picked up.

Last time I got all the way through the stamping, initial approval, and payment. And then got a phone call saying it wouldn't work because of the seizure medical restriction I had on my Indiana license. So I'm not totally convinced that this will work until I actually have the license in hand, but I'd say it's about 95% certain because the guy that did the work today is the rule stickler who looked everything over three times and asked questions for clarification while I was still there.

So here's what happened today. I took my application to the mayor's office. The man that does the stamping, who knows me (and therefore might remember that I've already done this once) was not in. A woman unfamiliar with all the steps was. She wrote the thing I knew would be the hangup at the next place big and clearly- the date I moved to Germany. For a moment I thought about how I could write over the date to make it work... you know like adding an extra leg to an F to make it an A. But of course I wouldn't do that.... and there's no good way to turn 25.07.2008 into 25.04.2009.

The drive to Loerrach is about 20 minutes. It was 20 minutes of intermingled prayer and practicing how I would try to explain (in German) how it was that I got an Alabama driver's license while living in Germany while still maintaining my permanent home in Indiana- offering an Indiana license that expired in 2006 as proof.

The Fuehrersteinstelle lines are normally worse than an American BMV because there is no check in procedure. Your name or number doesn't get called. Everyone just stands in a clump in a hallway trying to remember who was there before them. Also, normally, there have been just two people working: one woman who denied my application the first time who knows the ins and outs of my whole license fiasco and the man in the corner office with a really thick accent. So, normally, the herd stands in the hallway waiting for one of these two people to flip the switch that turns on a green light above their door, meaning “next victim.”

Today there was no line. And there were five doors lit up- four red and one green. I took a deep breath, switched my mind to thinking in German and walked in to the thick accent guy's office. I've worked with him before but usually tried to steer clear when possible because he is so difficult for me to understand! But yet again, today was different. I understood him, and he understood me. I was using words that I haven't used since high school vocabulary tests- words I don't even remember.

He poured over the application, his computer screen and two different books. He called someone in and mumbled something to her too low for me to articulate. I practiced how I would break the bad news to Lane and Michelle. And then he hit me with it...

“I'm sorry Miss Haymond. The problem is that your license was issued since you've been living here in Germany. So we unfortunately have to follow the reciprocity law for your previous license. I see this Indiana one expired in 2006, do you have a newer one?”

I did not give him a copy of the 2006-2009 Indiana license with the medical restriction on it because I figured it would bring up extra questions. “Yes I had another, but it was also Indiana.”

“Ok, I don't need to see it then. But that means you will have to take the written test, an eye examination and pay an extra 8 Euros.”

“That's the bad news?”

“Yes, I'm sorry.”

“No! No! That's great! That's fine! I'll take the test!” I might have been a little too enthusiastic at this point.

I signed the form for the test and license and payed (again). He said he'd see me in a few weeks when it's ready.

Yay!!!! The next step is studying and taking the written test. We had 5 staff members who also had to do this earlier in the year, and none of them passed the first time. But I think I can. Thanks so much for your prayers! I was told many times that this wouldn't work, but here's proof that God is bigger than laws. And sometimes laws are worth fighting.

Tuesday Blurb

2009-05-05T21:02:00.012+02:00

Today was fun. The cat's out of the bag that I'll be an RA at Maugenhard, although for the record, until I'm in with the Maug Men, the Sonne Knights are still my boys. I will always love my Sonne boys but given my current lack of driving privileges with the loving German government, it just made sense for me to be at the only boys' dorm in town. D told me today that he thinks I should hang my Sonne sweatshirt in my room in Maug to show my loyalty :) That's a good way to start pranks! I doubt the shirt would come back the same color or in one piece.

So now that students know, I'm taking the opportunity to ask them for advice... things they wish they could tell new RAs. I'm taking notes; so students, bring on the advice while you have the opportunity.

There was a home track meet this weekend, and I got to help out with long jump. Man, I love coaching! I was cheering for and yelling at all the teams. Hopefully next year I'll get to help coach track or soccer. That would be so much fun!!!!!!!

I got my Alabama driver's license in the mail today. Thanks Ashley! Thursday I'll take it to the German version of the BMV to see if I can drive again here. JOIN ME IN PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE. By German law, this won't work... but stranger things have happened. It's worth trying and fighting.

And I told you about losing money to the evil gas machine last week. My friend who speaks Swiss German called the station and they said they found the overage and would give it to me whenever I come back in with my receipt. How great would it be to hear a YES from the German government about my license and then drive into beautiful Switzerland and pick up some money to celebrate?

Since multiple people have said something about my blog name change, I changed it back. Ta dah! It was nice to know that at least a few people actually read this :) On that note, if anyone would like to join the list of folks I send emails to every few weeks updating what's going in my ministry, send me an email Sarah.Haymond@gmail.com There are many things I don't write on here because I don't know who reads this... so if you want the real heart matters and to know how to pray for me and what's going on in this unique place, that's the way to do it.

Life is hard but good. Some have asked how they can encourage me. Here are some sure fire ways:

1. Send me an email just telling me the everyday stuff about your life that you might think boring. It isn't to me. Although I sometimes am slow at responding (right Nate?), I really appreciate feeling like a part of people's lives and getting to grow friendships even while apart.
2. Music! I listen to music a lot now but will be doing so even more as an RA. I'll be spending hours every day in the kitchen cooking and cleaning up after 30 high school boys- some new music once in a while would be such a nice treat.
3. When you pray for me, tell me. It makes all the difference to KNOW people are behind me.

Weekend Stories

2009-04-27T13:33:00.006+02:00

This last weekend was great! Cara had the weekend off, so she stayed here. Friday night we cooked and then went to watch the sunset at my new favorite overlook at Feuerbach. But Auntie Anne and her crazy winds came to visit just as it started to sink behind the mountains. A tree fell- some stinkin strong wind.

Saturday morning I got to work at the BFA car clinic. I got there an hour early and had some good reflection & prayer time just sitting by the creek. And then the car frenzy began. I think we had 18 vehicles come through in 3 hours to get full body safety inspections, fluids filled and tires changed. I remembered how much I love cars and how ridiculous men can be. It was my job to keep the cars flowing smoothly in and out of the tire changing area, laying out the tires by where they should go, pulling hubcaps, and breaking lugs. All very simple prep jobs. But apparently more than some men could handle (mainly just the ones who referred to breaker bars as "thingys," consistently put lugs on backwards and tried to run lugs back on with only the torque gun). What was funny though is, for some reason, I couldn't seem to keep my balance when pulling off a hubcap. So I did something like this probably about 30 times: squat, pull off hubcap, hold for brief second, the PLOP...fall on butt.

After my hands no longer looked caucasian, Cara and I loaded up my car and headed to Denton's in Lausanne, CH. It should've been a two hour drive...

Gas is significantly cheaper in Switzerland than Germany, so I thought it would be no big deal to stop at the station right on the autobahn just across the border. But I was imagining a different autobahn in my mind, and the one we were on didn't have a station on the road. If life were a movie I would've called this bad foreshadowing number 1 from Cara: "Wouldn't it be funny if our car broke down in the French speaking part of Switzerland?" (Since neither of us speak French). So, Nuvi (my friendly but often schizophrenic GPS) directed us to the closest station- 7km off the autobahn. We were on a terrible sounding road, and this bad foreshadowing number 2 from me: "What is that sound? I guess it's the road but it sounds like a flat."

We got to the gas station and didn't check the tires. I hop out and put a 50 in the machine. Everything was automated- no one working. It ate my money and didn't turn the pump on!! (This really is smart except for when it eats your money. I wonder when the States will be this efficient).

We drove to another station; it didn't take my American or German cards, and also did not accept Euros. I had stuck my only 50 CHF in the other place. And Cara just had a 20. So she reluctantly put it in the cousin of the devil machine and had better fortune. Going to a third gas station, we finally found one that would accept Euros, so I filled her up, and we got back on the road.

Not much longer later, but long enough for us to cross into the French part of Switzerland, a woman in a convertible pulled up next to us and was mouthing and doing funny looking hand motions that we finally figured out meant "you have a flat tire, idiot."

We pulled into a parking area, and sure enough the back right was a goner. Stupid foreshadowing. Good thing I'd had plenty of practice changing tires that morning. Problem was that the lugs were on waaaay to tight, and even my JUMPING on the lug wrench only broke 2 of them. I'd broken the seal on about 200 lugs that morning without too much strain. But these things were ridiculous. Some French man helped us. I felt like a stupid, incapable American woman, haha. Poor guy broke a serious sweat, and I didn't even have anything to offer him to clean his hands with.

Moral of the story: keep a pipe in your car just in case you get a flat with tight lugs and there are no Frenchmen around.

We finally made it to D's, and he thoroughly spoiled us for the rest of the weekend. We wandered around Lac Leman (Lake Geneva), ate some great steaks & crepes, had some good wine, got to attend his always encouraging church, C3 Lausanne... just relaxed. So nice.

The trip back did just take 2 hours. I thought to myself "I hope I don't get a speeding ticket." Hopefully this wasn't bad foreshadowing number 3, but I won't know for a few weeks. Tickets here are sent by mail.

Cara & one of her girls came back to my apartment to watch football drafts, and I went to Maug to see some of my guys. A good time away and the weekend concluded with the students we love- Cara watching sports with her girls and me baking cookies for and watching a movie with the boys.

...will post pictures once I get them from Cara. I don't like taking pictures because they don't turn out like I imagine them to. I didn't get Dad & Jenny's knack for photography.

Things I Ponder

2009-04-23T22:15:00.003+02:00

Lately I've been wondering what it takes to have genuine, healthy community.
I wonder what it takes for adults to share their joys and struggles earnestly.
I wonder how to encourage students to not be naive without simultaneously corrupting or scaring them.
I wonder how to train them up to respect the urgent things in life but to focus on the important.
I wonder what it is in the fields between Palm & Feuerbach that makes my allergies kick into high gear.
I wonder why Dave Barnes' songs, more than other artists', make my heart like butter.
I wonder what life will be like this summer without students or most of the staff around. I hope that I'll use the free time to pray and do something about these things that make me think... and maybe I'll go to Mallorca to ride a motorcycle across the island. Maybe :)

I've been writing back and forth with a friend in the States about the genuine community thing, and he's been a big encouragement. Thanks Jake! Please join me in praying for the BFA community (where we happen to live) to be a place in which lives are changed for Christ.

I know I have not been pulling my weight in encouraging the community. I know our faith is not about how often we study the Bible, how many prayer groups we go to or anything works-related. But how can I pour my life into the students I am here to serve if I am not constantly having my cup filled? And I haven't been. Please pray for a new passion to spend quality time with our God. More than anything else... more than wanting to chop down the pretty trees by Feuerbach so I can run without sneezing... I want to want to know God more richly. I want to want it.

My friend Guy (thanks Guy!) has also been helping me talk through community, and he sent me this video on relationships.

Unfortunately I'm not technically savvy enough to know how to put the video directly on here, but that's the link to it on facebook.

Agape

2009-04-21T18:37:00.006+02:00

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

Have I told you guys lately that I love these students? I love and am so proud of them. They bless and challenge me every day that I get to spend with them.

The Nine Month Change

2009-04-17T10:18:00.007+02:00

Every nine months or so I get an overwhelming urge to do something new- a thirst for change. I've always chalked this up to the combination of being a woman- maybe we just can't hold things in for more than nine months at a time- and living within the 9 month school calendar for so long. Whatever the case, last night I was laying in bed thinking the same old thoughts of "I'm trapped! What am I doing?! I haven't done anything new lately! Ah!" It was panic setting in, and then the realization that next week will be exactly 9 months from when I moved to Germany.

I've been going through this panic/ restless cycle since the age of 15, the year I got my first job, traveled out of the country for the first time, and got my driver's permit. Since then, I've moved 9 times, changed jobs 17 times, owned 8 vehicles, and gone to some form of school for 5 very different careers (none of which I'm currently doing).

I can recount my life for the last 9 years in 9 month stints with a few exceptions: I stayed in my Eastside Evansville apartment for a whole year. I worked for Dr Brown almost 2 years (and would've stayed longer had I not moved to another continent). And I plan on staying here in Germany well past 9 months! Thankfully, relationships are exempt from my this restlessness. I don't ditch them like used cars. Actually, several of my best friends I met in that same year. I guess 15 was a big one for me.

So, now I need to figure out what big change to make so I don't keep laying awake at night feeling like my skin is crawling from being in one place for so long. If you have ever taken a glucose tolerance test, that is what my nine month panic feels like. For those of you who are fortunate enough to not have been asked to take this devil test, let me explain.
1. Fast for 8-12 hours.
2. Go to hospital.
3. Nurse draws blood.
4. Drink a nasty sugar drink and then sit in a hospital room for about 45 minutes trying not to think about all that sweetness pouring through your foodless system.
5. Draw blood again.
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 as many times as the doctor sees fit or until patient passes out.

Side note, the nurse did offer me a golf magazine in an attempt to captivate my attention for the hours that it felt like ants were crawling under my skin. And surprise, surprise, I passed out before I'd been stuck enough to have conclusive results.

THIS, is what my restlessness feels like... ants crawling under my skin, and as hard as I try to think about something else, it just doesn't happen... and then I pass out. Haha.

Ok, back to figuring out what change I'll make within the next week. Although changes in my living space, job, and car could be coming soon, I need something to tide over the thirst until then. Maybe hobbies.
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I wrote that post yesterday morning. Since then I've been trying out the hobby thing, and it's actually working. I don't feel the ants crawling as much! I've gone for 2 runs, a good walk, and done lots of pushups and situps. I've read 2 books, cooked, cleaned, practiced drawing, done hours of grad school research, listened to some GSC sermons, and talked with the family. Mainly it's been the reading and grad school research that has kept me occupado. I feel like this is what people who drink lots of caffeine feel like.
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If I were in the States right now, I would buy a motorcycle (preferably a Vegas Low because it's like sexy bike except my size) and ride to my least favorite state (Louisiana, with Mississippi at a close second) to get some gumbo. I'm really craving wind and gumbo right now :) I'm sure that buying a new toy would satiate the thirst for a while.

But since I am here without driving privileges or good spicy food, I suppose I'll dig into my new New Testament Survey book.

WW I Trenches

2009-04-14T19:53:00.007+02:00

I know I said yesterday that I would take pretty springtime pictures, but I went to explore some WWI trenches instead. It was pretty incredible running through the maze of trenches gripped with the stupidity of breaking off from my group and wondering which turn they took, crawling through the caves, and seeing the bomb craters, amazing view from the top of the mountain and the enormity of the cemetery. So here are some pictures from both the French and German sides:

Back to the Fatherland

2009-04-13T10:45:00.002+02:00

In the two weeks that I was gone to the States, spring hit western Europe in full swing. It's gorgeous here! Radiators are off and windows open- inviting the the pretty flowers to bring on my sneezing. I'm going out this afternoon, so I'll take some pictures for you guys. I hear local honey and tea are supposed to help negate allergies, so I plan to test that theory.

Next time I go to the States, I would like to go for 3 weeks. Two weeks was just too short to squeeze everything in! Most of my time was spent meeting with people one-on-one to talk about what's been going on in our lives for the last 9 months or so. Man, it was awesome. I didn't want to come back. One-on-one life talks and driving are my favorite things, and I got to do that for two whole weeks! No work, responsibility, bills... just good stuff, so of course I didn't want to leave.

Several people have asked about the Alabama license. I got it! So now I will try turning it in for a German one. I still can't legally drive here, but that's a step in the right direction.

The trip back was much less eventful than the way there. There were 14 people on my flight from Evansville to Detroit, so I had my own window and aisle seats. And from Detroit to Frankfurt I had the same set up. I got to curl up in a little ball on the two seats and sleep my way back to Germany. And there were no crinkling chip bags, snorers or mouth-breathers, or seat-kicking kids. Ahh...nice. I had Easter lunch with the Youngs and then spent the afternoon visiting with the RA folks who were congregated at Sonne.

When I moved here last summer, I brought 2 suitcases of clothes, a 5 gal Rubbermaid tub of shoes and books, a laptop, and a backpack. Although that is already PLENTY of stuff and much more than anyone needs to survive, this time I brought back some just-for-fun stuff to make this place feel like home. Like my ballet slippers... I've had them on all day, just because they make me feel dainty and make me want to dance. And CDs! I missed musical variety!! And my favorite jeans that are full or holes and covered in paint stains that will be of use when working on the dorms this summer. Some other completely unnecessary but much loved belongings to cross the pond: my favorite heels (aka witch shoes) that are completely safe on the flat roads of Indiana but will be hazardous on German cobblestone, hair extensions for those days when I miss having long hair, and Boggle.

Now, if you'll excuse me, a perfect song just came on to put my ballet slippers to use, so I need to go dance on my balcony.

from Southern Indiana

2009-04-02T01:12:00.004+02:00

Writing from the comfort of my parents home, I'm happy to report that home is still comforting.

It's been so great to be here. The train ride & flights here were something straight out of a bad comedy- the mouth breather behind me on the train that made me ball fists and fight from turning around and smacking him awake; the chip chomper who had snacks to last the entire 9.5 hour flight on my right and the loud complainers on my left, the screaming seat kicker behind me, and the man who leans his seat all the way back even during meal time in front of me. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much. But 7 out of 10 doctors say that it's good for the bottom to feel the pangs of sleep deprivation (that which comes from let's say 42 hours without rest) every once in a while so that it appreciates regular sleep.

Mom, Dad, and another friend met me at the airport. I was very thankful for no welcome home throng since I'd been holding my ire at bay for so long. I was a tad bit grumpy :) We went to Dad & Mom's, ate the wonderful meats Mom had cooked, tried to reacquainte with the quads, and I was out by 7:30.

Monday held driving cars (yay!!), surprising some friends at their work places, riding in a semi to Owensboro, getting lost in the city in which I lived for almost 2 decades, some great Chinese food with family, and working out in a gym. I miss 24-hour fitness centers. Or any fitneses center actually because who am I kidding? I can't stay awake past 9:30!

Tuesday I got to meet two new baby friends, have chick flick time with my sister, drive my Mom's scooter around, and eat steak...mmmmmeat.

Today = more babies, guitar hero and Mexican food :) Life is good when days are spent just having one-on-one time with people (and working out and eating).

Next on the list: visiting my grandparents in Kentucky tomorrow, the Alabama BMV on Friday, and Georgia sometime Friday night/ Saturday morning. Be back Saturday!

Les Mis & Word Twist

2009-03-27T22:30:00.006+01:00

I should be packing...

School's out for 2 weeks!!! And you know how I celebrated? I came home to my favorite sweatpants, sang Sister Hazel loud enough that it probably made the neighbor's dog howl, cooked dinner, played some text twist (without feeling guilty for playing for 45 minutes), called my family, and read. What a wild woman I've become :)

I got to be a part of a miracle this week! Part of the aforementioned joys of travel week is seeing how God does the impossible with regard to travel visas. I'm responsible for getting visas for all of the students going away for spring break. One of the "toughest" countries drew many of us to our knees this week. A process that normally takes about a month was done in 2 days. By human law, reason, and logic, the student should not have been able to get that visa in such circumstances. Good thing we serve a God who is not bound by human regulations.

When I called the parents this week to tell them about the hangup, I was really surprised to hear myself say "I look forward to seeing this miracle happen" and realize that I actually believed it. Those aren't my words. On my own accord they sound quite cocky, but they weren't mine. My faith is characterized by doubt. It was God inviting that family and me to walk out on the water and not look down- to trust that He can do what we can't. Very cool.

Also very cool (on a much less spiritual note) that I will be in Evansville in 47 hours. Charlie's & BWW here I come!

Travel Week

2009-03-25T10:28:00.003+01:00

Travel week is the week preceding a BFA school break… this week… the week to email every parent of boarding students to make sure I have the right flight information for all of them and then get bombarded with questions from those parents… the week to pray for and hope expectantly for miracles regarding visas… the week for flights to get canceled and then a mad fury happens to reschedule… the week of putting all the kids travel plans into one massive spreadsheet and then splitting them up into groups for van runs and assigning those van runs to dorm staff… the week for pulling together the travel plans for the 7 mission trips leaving on Saturday. Ahh, travel week… a task-driven and organizationally-minded, type A personality’s dream project: messy information that needs cleaning up and put into neat little boxes with or without bows on top.

I kind of like travel week except for the bombardment, visa scares, and hard-to-reach parents. So, I suppose it’s just the massive spreadsheet that I like; it’s a puzzle better than sudoku or crosswords because knowing the people (and knowing who’s always late, or who wouldn’t feel comfortable driving to a certain place) adds an extra dimension.

But to add to this travel week, the Personnel Office of normally 4 staff members is down to yours truly. Two are out for medical reasons. One is at a conference. The last travel week, I basically checked out from my Personnel responsibilities and just played with the puzzle. But, not this time! I’m ready to get on that plane to the States on Sunday. Just 5 tickets and 1 visa between me and two weeks of no self-imposed coffee drinking (yuck) to keep my eyes open just a bit longer.

My Chains are Gone

2009-03-09T21:35:00.002+01:00

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

I love this song and feel its truth resonating with my life more today than ever before. Everyone has made selfish decisions, got caught up in the lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, and pride of life. And for every single person and every single screw up, God's grace is sufficient.

Today I got to tell some friends about how God has and is transforming me, and it is just so stinkin exciting to see God working in and through me. I love it!!! It blows me away that despite how many times I mess up and how many people I hurt, nothing is beyond his redemptive capacity, and there is nothing he cannot use to cause growth and encouragement.

I feel like such a different person than I did 4 years ago. I am excited to look back and realize that but even more excited to be able to share the cause of that change. My chains are gone. I've been set free!

Doing Life

2009-03-04T20:46:00.002+01:00

I love how God uses the crappy situations I always seem to put myself in to draw me closer to Him and remind me of forgotten truths and challenges.

In London a couple weeks ago, my friends and I stayed with an incredible lady with whom I got to have some great conversations. Even though we'd just met, the Holy Spirit and genuine desire to see a fully functioning body of Christ in both of us made it as if we could see one another through God's eyes instead of our own. I hope I was as much an encouragement and challenger to her as she was to me.

During one of our morning chats before anyone else was up, we talked about being single. She craves companionship and a godly male role model for her kids so much that it caused physical pain in my chest when I prayed for that for her. She is such a passionate and incredible lady, and I want so badly for her to have someone to share her tough prison ministry with.

As much as I long to have someone to do life with, I want it even more for her. And in that brief moment of unselfishness, she taught me a good lesson. I've heard sermon after sermon about singleness being a gift, a season, an opportunity, a time of preparation... and essentially, she was saying the same thing, but something in her words clicked differently in my heart. She made me want to be productive in my singleness by clinging to our God and spending umpteens of time with Him like I would a man. This is nothing new, nothing I haven't heard of or thought about before. But I haven't often seen it in practice. That singleness is a gift is something that women slightly older and more lonely than me say with a tear in their eye. But there was no facade with my new friend.

I don't like the awkwardness and giddiness of new relationships because I don't trust my own emotions very much. I don't trust the hype of newness and am quite adept at trying to rush through it to get to the part where we can just be together, in full confidence that both love God, love people, and love one another... not having to question the commitment. And THAT is how I saw my friend's day-to-day relationship with God. It's not new and wavering. They talk first thing in the morning about what her day will look like. She bounces ideas off of him, and they laugh at inside jokes. She calls him throughout the day without worry of annoying him. They work through problems together. They fight. They grow. She doesn't understand everything he says and does but knows without a shadow of a doubt that he has her best interests in mind. And so she trusts him and wants to get to know more of him every single day. They do life together.

She challenged me to embrace the same lifestyle, and I was so excited at the time... coming up with plans and ideas to help sustain the relationship and make it healthier and less one sided than it currently is. But, I'm an idiot and forgot all of that until today.

Because I am single right now, I have been sharing all those bouncing of ideas, inside jokes, multiple phone calls and email throughout the day, sorting through problems and such among a few close friends (in attempt to not wear any one of them out with the full force of my attention). Yesterday I hurt one of those friends. And today, when ideas, jokes, problems, and opportunities to argue and grow came up that I normally would've shared with that friend, I felt an overwhelming hole when I realized I couldn't.

But, although I am soooo talented at mangling good things, God is infinitely better at not only restoring broken relationships so that they are stronger than before but also saying “I thought we were going to do life together...? I'm still willing.” If I had not felt the holes, I probably would have wasted another day (and who knows how much longer) disregarding the opportunity to do life 24/7 with the creator. So although it really hurts to know that I hurt a friend, I am so thankful for God's faithful reminder.

Just the Cashews

2009-02-28T15:51:00.003+01:00

Today has potential to be a perfect day. Katie and I stayed up talking until 4:30 this morning and then I had to watch one more episode of Lost. So I was anticipating to sleep the day away until I have to be at school this evening for our big outreach called Candlelight Dinner. But instead I got up for brunch with friends at my favorite restaurant around here and enjoyed the sunny 57 degree weather! It's gorgeous! I even came home and took a catnap in the sun on my roof (it's a flat roof) and did a little reading. So the biggest problem today is, "why do I have to eat so many peanuts in my 3 lb tin of mixed nuts to get to the cashews?"

London pictures and stories to come...

A Good Couple Weeks

2009-02-18T10:25:00.009+01:00

Several people have told me that February is the hardest month at BFA. The relaxation of Christmas break is long gone, but the sicknesses that the students brought back with them still linger. Spring break seems a lifetime away. And it's cold- really cold. This morning, when I headed out to the bus stop at Sonne, where snow drifts were knee-high, the thermometer read -8 degrees Celsius.

February has been the hardest for me as well. Staff and students are dropping like flies from the BFA super-virus that is bred when all the students return from various countries with different sicknesses and then live in close quarters. We've had computer problems that corrupted the database that I do most of my work on. And the frustrations of not driving are teaching me to be more patient and rely on others, but frustrations nonetheless.

What is amazing, however, is that despite this being the hardest time, the last two weeks have also been some of the happiest I've had here. It starts with God fixing my bad attitude. Then it comes from having two incredible friends here. Cara and Timmy probably don't realize how much I've needed their support lately, but something as simple as them making me a CD of songs I like was a good slap in the face- a wake-up-people-care-about-you-and-want-to-help slap.

Cara walks into a room and makes it brighter, happier, and more fun. She is funny even when she doesn't mean to be and one of the most genuine people I've ever met. She has more energy and enthusiasm than I could even dream of mustering and brings spunk and laughter into my life.

Timmy is also fun, incredibly genuine, and makes me laugh a lot, but he's the balance in my world for Crazy Cara. He is passionate about loving and serving people, a hard-worker, and is not afraid to tell the blunt truth when it needs to be said. He brings wisdom, insight, and truth into my life.

I'm not really sure what I give them. I'm trying to be the kind of friend that friends like them deserve by loving, praying for, telling the truth even when it's not fun, and just being available to them. They are wonderful. Unfortunately the only picture I have of the three of us is from orientation last summer, and it's just our backsides. But here's one of them from Christmas Banquet.

So, I'm thankful for God fixing my attitude and for my friends. But I'm also thankful for time away from work! Last Thursday I went to Paris on last minute notice with a new friend named Peter. We left at 5am, rode the 3 hour train, did tourist stuff all day (Notre Dame, Louvre, Arch de Triumph, Eiffel Tower, French crepes mmm) then got back at 1am. It was a long, spontaneous and great day!

When I got back to my office Friday morning, the Witt girls had decorated it with streamers, tons of encouraging little post it notes, roses, and chocolate. How awesome are they?!

Then later that day, Cara, another RA named Anna, and a student named Leah, piled in my car (which I still own, but Cara drove) and went to Garmisch, Germany for the weekend to stay with Leah's mom. The house was full of other friends who had come visit that weekend as well and was a blast! Friday night was meat fest a.k.a. my version of heaven. Saturday morning the two married guys in the bunch that were visiting went out and got roses for all of us ladies and then took us to breakfast.
Then Cara, Anna, and I broke off from the group while they went skiing. We saw Zugspitz (the highest mountain around here that has family significance for me), Neuschwanstein and the King's Castle, and a hockey game! Sunday we went on an army base and bought all kinds of goodies that can't be bought elsewhere- like Orange Gatorade, Starburst Jellybeans, and Trail Mix- three things for which I am also thankful :)

Neuschwanstein

I'm going to London this weekend. It feels crazy to be doing so much traveling, but these are my first big places I've visited since being here. The cheap flights and free places to stay all happen to have come up during the month of February, the hardest month at BFA. What a blessing for opportunities to come at the time when I need it most.

License Update

2009-02-07T11:42:00.002+01:00

Several people have asked for an update on the driving situation, and now I've realized that I never even wrote on the blog what I sent out to my support team. The short version is that there's a far-fetched chance that I could get an Alabama driver's license without an epilepsy restriction when I go back to the States next month and then exchange that for a German license. It would work on the American side. Three years of seizure-free behavior earns a clean license in Alabama (where I lived for 3 years), and I've been seizure-free for 3.5 years. The tricky part is the German side. You have 6 months to change over your license that was issued before coming here. I'm past six months, and it will be a new license. So I wrote to the German side explaining everything and asking for the needed waivers. I haven't heard anything yet.

Even if I find out it won't work, I might still drive to Alabama because I've got myself so psyched up to go to my favorite restaurants: Thai Emerald, Formaggio's, The Grape, and Waffle House for some key lime pie. Mmmmmfood. And then I would go sit at five points and soak in the life of the city for a while. Maybe find a lonely old man to play chess with outside the Starbucks like I did in college.

Detox

2009-02-02T07:57:00.007+01:00

I got to spend the last five days at Maugenhard (Lane and Michelle's dorm for all you CFC people). The normal staff of 6 for the 29 high school boys was down to 3 with the Youngs off and one RA in the States, so I showed up and asked to be put to work.

The day after spending time in a dorm is crashing after a drug binge. It's a tough transition back into my office after getting to play mom for a bunch of crazy boys. I realize I don't have a clear understanding of what the dorm parents and RAs have to do since I've never stayed in one dorm for longer than a week. But it's like a drug to me... getting to take care of people in practical ways. Cooking, cleaning, staying up all night tending to the sick, putting them in their place when being punks, helping with homework, throwing snowballs, wrestling, watching them play rugby (and wishing I'd thought of bringing orange slices)... I love it all.

Plug

2009-01-23T22:06:00.003+01:00

Here's some BFA news: we still are looking for staff members for next year- especially a PE teacher, middle school English, a librarian, and male resident assistants. Think about it; pray about it. Spread the word.

http://bfacademy.com/staffopen.asp

Look at how much fun you could be having! "Creeking" is a lovely dorm tradition.

Announcement!

2009-01-20T21:51:00.003+01:00

Hey Everyone I know and love in the United States,

I'll be in Evansville, IN from March 29-April 11. Make plans to come visit!!

I'm so excited that I'm already working on my list of things to do. Sadly, most of those things involve restaurants because I miss the wonders of Fazoli's breadsticks, Olive Garden's salad dressing, Hornville Tavern's beer bread, everything beef... ok, I'm stopping that list for the time being. Also, I'm exited about going to Resurgence and CFC!! Driving and maybe giving my motorcycle helmet some use... going out at night (everything in Kandern is closed by 8pm). Speaking English. Eating Mexican food. Listening to country music. Going to a comedy club, maybe?! Or even just a movie. Man, the luxurious options! I'm sure I'll think of way more things to do than I'll get around to because the real point of the visit is to be with you people that I haven't hugged in too many months. So, really, I don't care too much what I do (except getting a steak; that's not negotiable) as long as I get to spend time with friends and family. Nine weeks notice is plenty of advanced warning to make some time. Looking forward to seeing you!

But in the mean time, here's a bit of what's been going on here:

Friday night I was craving some time away, so Saturday Katie and I went to a lake about an hour north of here and split up to go on dates with Jesus for a few hours. It was nice to be far enough away from school that I could breathe. And it was a great date. I explored a new city, stopping at a little cafe for hot chocolate and cherry pie. Then I walked around the lake, through the forest, and conquered some painfully steep hills.

Schuluchsee about 2pm on one of the few clear days we've had lately

The ripples looked like diamonds

This is why they call it the black forest. It was so tempting to climb trees. But given that the lower half of my face hurt from my wisdom teeth and the upper half from getting hit with a football the day before, I realized that when I fell it would likely hurt my head even more than normal... and head injuries in the black forest by myself just sounds like a bad idea. So I was content to wander and imagine Grimm brother fairytales in that setting.

Just 6 more days left to drive! I'm making a "celebration" trip to Bern CH on Friday- actually just going to stand in line for a few hours at the embassy while I have the freedom to get there easily. Pray that the car sells.

The Fight

2009-01-15T16:41:00.003+01:00

Given the inevitable stress of my job, as part of my contract at BFA I agreed to talking to a counselor to make sure I don't snap. I had no problem accepting their request; it's very respectable that they try to prevent melt downs among staff members. Plus, I usually enjoy welcoming those who want to jump inside my brain with me. Well, my counselor freed me from big brother's watchful eye and deemed me mentally stable a few months ago but we still meet together to chat once in a while... not out of worry on my new found friend's part, but because we enjoy one another's company and of course there are MANY things for me to work on that my friend can help point out. Otherwise I wouldn't have such a self-centered blog. I would write about all the things God is doing around me instead of the truth He's revealing in me.

So, today when we were chatting, we came to a funny realization that my mind and heart are in an epic battle. I imagined a little brain swathed in an epileptic's soft helmet and an even littler heart with balled fists ready to duke it out and had to laugh. I wish I could draw it, but unfortunately the closest I get to doodling is long division.

Thus far in the great duel, my mind has always won. What is practical and efficient dominates any tactics the heart has ever offered. I equate my heart defeating my mind as trouble- the kind of trouble that makes 15 year old girls think they're in love and then have to raise a child on their own. And not doing the right and responsible thing terrifies me. Slipping up, making a mistake, not living up to expectations. Those are the reasons I trust my mind and tell my heart to take the back seat, and to wrap up in a cast iron blanket while you're at it.

My friend asked, "do you want your heart and brain to be friends?" It seemed like a funny abstract conversation to be having, but obviously it intrigued me enough to write about. And yes, I realized, I do wish my heart were stronger... or rather that I trusted it enough to drop the metal shroud around it and let it speak once in a while.

A few weeks ago I heard a sermon about how the things we do for love (agape, eros, or otherwise) sometimes offend our minds. We do things that don't make sense for the sake of showing love to others. The mind let's the heart lead the dance. I want to be capable of that. I probably am and just don't realize it because I'm afraid to try. My brain believes that my heart has the strength to step up, but my dumb little heart is full of doubt.

It's easier and safer to let my mind run the show and guard the heart, but that's not a well-rounded existence. Yesterday afternoon I had a tearful bit of a revelation. After being thoroughly absorbed in the love story of the books I've been reading it was a huge let down to look at my life and not believe that that really exists outside of the pages of creative writing. This is the reason I stopped reading Christian fiction. Those stories are so predictable. Christian man meets Christian woman and knows how to pursue her just enough that would be considered creepy if she didn't want to be pursued, and she knows how to let him. And then two days later they are married. But now love stories at all- even those involving vampires, apparently- are evoking that same emotion in me. And the realization was this: my head knows that those stories happen. There's evidence all around. I am 100% confident that God can create better love stories than even the most compelling authors. But my heart doesn't believe that it will happen to me. I imagined myself as a single, bitter woman, and that was terrifying. I do not want that. I do not need a man to be complete in Christ. My significance is in Him, of that I am confident, head and heart. But, the more I see the heart love in others' lives, the starker the contrast to my mind-driven life.

God's got a lot of work to do in me for sure. I'm hoping that spending more time with families will help build a stronger heart in me as well as a better appreciation for its wellspring of life-ness. I'm fairly certain that as I type this and commit to focusing more on developing my heart than mind for a little while that I'm strapping myself into a roller coaster, watching the guy in charge grin ear-to-ear for what I'm getting myself into. Oh geez. Here we go.

Reading

2009-01-12T17:00:00.003+01:00

Dear Whoever Reads My Blog,

I'm a little embarrassed to say that I am completely enthralled by a fictional series about a vampire romance, but it's true. I love the Twilight series! I remember about a year ago making fun of Emily as she told me the gist of it, but I can no longer deny it's capability to captivate my attention. Mom mailed all 4 books in the series (after she read them all in 4 days) to Timmy who brought them back here when he returned from break. And I'm just as bad as she is! I read the first two in less than 26 hours... and these are not short books, although also not requiring much intellectual stamina to get through. Anyway, they are great. I identify with the lead chick in her emotion (or lack thereof) and her difficulty in letting someone love her. As a self-critical person it is very hard to let someone else love you, or even believe that they legitimately do. I realize that it's a terrible hypocrisy to love others despite their imperfections and think they couldn't do the same for me- probably quite prideful even- but I'm a work in progress.

Coming back a bit later, I just watched the Twilight movie. I found it disjointed and fragmented; I probably would not have enjoyed it had I not read the books. But, because I have, it was nice to put faces with the characters for whom I've developed an affinity. Dad's right. It it totally a chick flick. I smiled through most of it :)

My Shield

2009-01-07T16:21:00.004+01:00

I must warn you, what you are about to read is sentimental. To give you a better understanding of where this is coming from, here's the preface: I hate poetry. I don't like flowery words. I hope I never compare my emotions to meadows, chirping streams, or flowing birds. See? It's silly. I have more important things to do than trying to decode fluffy words. But! Last night I was talking with my friend Nathan about our future spouses and he said A Scottish man in Afghanistan, and I was inspired by the rhyme. Thus, doomed to write a poem. Gag. So, here we go... a poem about My Shield (which is what I call my husband, as well as the ring I wear on my ring finger, and when speaking in loftier notions, God).

My Shield

A Scotsman* content to live in the Stans**
who knows the difference between Iraq and Iran.

Passionate about our Lord first and foremost,
in himself he would never boast.

Gives me some competition at Boggle- winner drives Deal's Gap;
he likes making me laugh and doesn't put up with my crap.

Always up for an adventure and wilder and crazier than me,
my protector and confidant is he.

Seeing through my hard-to-show-emotion shell,
he encourages my heart's transformation into an overflowing well.

Not afraid to look a fool,
my Mr Fix-It can fix anything given the right tool.

Personally parsimonious so he can give generously,
he knows about and even loves my habit of letting strangers live with me.

Cuttin a rug and making me blush are some hobbies that melt my heart
about the one with whom I am better together than apart.

A prayer warrior on his knees,
our Lord he is eager to please.

Of a bearded manly man who quotes DeNiro,
someday I will say, "that goofball is my spiritual hero."***

Footnotes:
*He doesn't actually have to be Scottish; a practiced fake accent would be good enough :)
** Mom, this does not mean that I'm moving to Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Pakistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan or Uzbekistan- just that I'd be ok with it.
***Applications now being accepted by my dad.

It's Official...

2009-01-07T11:49:00.012+01:00

Yes, it's official. I have the coolest sister. (Even though she has a "cute" rat-dog.)

In case there was any question about her awesomeness and creativity, just check out the gift she sent me.

An "I have a pet marder" shirt. (For those of you who don't know what a marder is, check out the blog from last September entitled "Meet Mardy.") I still have him, by the way. And she sent some ziploc bags because they're expensive and not as durable here, a picture of the kiddos at Christmas, some bling for my nails, and a Barbie card with stickers inside. Haha, I'm not really sure why... I despise Barbie. I ripped her head off once or twice when I was a kid... the vacuum looked hungry. But, Jenny, on the other hand is incredible. She is my confidant and sanity-keeper. I am thankful that she has so many children that she has to stay home with them, because that means I can call her during the day. Most everyone else in the states I have to stay up until at least midnight or wait until the weekend to call. I tried to find some recent sister pictures but couldn't find any within the last year. So I opted for funny instead:

And this is a larger version of the kids' Christmas photo she sent. How cute are they??

They are my favorite nieces and nephews:
Allie, Baron, Ben, and Anna

Lipometer

2009-01-05T11:36:00.007+01:00

The title of this blog should be read "lip-ometer" and not "lipo-meter." Although I was really tempted to write some long dramatic story about liposuction, I would probably get bored within a few sentences and stop anticlimactically.

It's always entertaining to learn peoples' "tells-" something they consistently do in response to a certain stimulus. For example, I had a friend who used to bite his lip when he lied. Another always shifts her eyes up and to the left when thinking. A lot of people show their tells on their face, but some shift their entire stance, say certain things, or have different laughs for different situations. I used to pull on the skin just below my right eye when I was being sarcastic... that is until someone pointed it out to me. And now he does it as a joke. I think tells are fascinating, and for the most part, people don't think they have any (which is just as interesting to me). But they're just part of the idiosyncrasies of individual personalities.

I usually don't tell people what their tells are unless something is really wrong. Then something like, "hey stop playing tough. I know you are really hurt because you always..." can be valuable. In other situations, it has potential to either make people self-conscious and uncomfortable or make me look like a creepy stalker. So I tend to keep such information to myself.

But someone caught on to one of mine recently. As it turns out, my lower lip gives away how I'm "really doing." A friend apparently had kept that information to herself until she got worried enough about me to ask,"what is going on in your head? Your lip is raw. You always tear apart your lip when you're anxious about something."

Caught! Red-lipped! And she's right. Ever since my face plant "accident" in 2007, I can't stop messing with my bum lip when I'm thinking. I regained some of the feeling a few months ago, but it's still not all back. So I sometimes don't even realize I'm doing it until I taste metal. Yuck.

It's a bad habit that I'm trying to break. But, I'm glad that my friend pointed it out because it has made me try to figure out why the lipometer is in the red. And here it is..... an overwhelming lack of passion in my life. But that will change. Life feels as if it's currently in a holding pattern- that I'm just getting by instead of living it to the fullest, living it passionately for Christ, and instead of sucking the marrow out of life, my complacency is sucking my passion from me. Comfort, complacency, apathy, and the indifference of good men are some of Satan's most powerful weapons.

After my first trip to BFA in 2004, I loved the school and students but decided in my mind that I never wanted to work in an all Christian setting. I have such a stubbornly independent streak in me that makes me crave being different from the masses, and that's not necessarily good in Christianese environments. Not that being different is bad, but desiring to be different for the sake of difference is just asking for trouble. It often manifests in me as pessimism and a bad attitude under the guise of realism and pushing boundaries feigned as battling legalism. Being set apart in a nonchristian environment, however, is a good thing. I'm not really sure if this is a realization of how God has wired me and so I should follow where that's best suited. Or if it's just a barrier that I need to overcome.

But while here at BFA, I cannot be much different from the mold, because I agree with and respect it! So I'm caught in this strange paradox of being around the people that I want to emulate (in some aspects) but also craving feeling independent. Maybe I'm just afraid of actually connecting with people, getting attached and settling somewhere. Or maybe I just need to grow up. I don't know.

During the past few weeks, I've been doing research on what life is like for Christians in other parts of the world and have specifically honed in on the Afghan and Pakistan area. Talking with some friends who live there, reading some "lifting the veil" type books about women, reading their newspapers (and being really excited about being able to pick out a few words before switching to the English version) have me wondering what hope exists in a Muslim's heart... and what I can do about that. I've read the Koran a couple times but have no real grasp of what their life is all about. I found an interesting Muslim website today that points out what they view as biblical inconsistencies.

Instead of researching the inconsistencies of the Koran, I intend to work through that list of questions and make sure I am able to give an answer to anyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have. Some of the questions seem silly and circular, but if these are the legitimate contentions someone has, then I want to be able to give a more solid answer than "that's a dumb question." There are a lot of questions... I have a lot of studying and praying to do. I'm excited about that too! Hopefully doing something I care about will bring the lipometer back into the pale pink zone.

Also, I never put up pictures from my trip to Dallas last month. Here's a couple of Asha and me before her 80s bachelorette party. She was really excited about her jellies and backpack. Personally, the creepy faces on her shirt were my favorite. Less than 2 weeks until she's a Casano!

Guests

2009-01-01T13:14:00.006+01:00

Who knew that someone incessantly ringing my doorbell at 2:30am would make my day? But that's exactly what happened a few nights ago. I very rarely sleep whole nights through, so I was actually awake when the doorbell rang... and rang... and rang. It took me a few seconds to remember that I don't live alone, and that if I don't answer the door that one of the other girls will. So I bolted down my shaky spiral staircase to Katie and Cara's floor. Cara was already talking to whomever woke her up... Andy! He had some travel complications, and after a lot of walking in France and an expensive cab ride, he showed up here... at 2:30 in the morning. Katie and Cara ushered him in, listening to his story and making tea while I carried his bags upstairs and made my room guy friendly. (I stayed in the guest room with Cara).

The thing that made my night was that Andy knew he would be welcome here. I love that. I love people, and I love providing a getaway for them. So it made me happy that he felt comfortable enough with us to wake us up, throw his bags in the hall, and let us take care of him. My home has an open door but is useless if no one ever walks through it. I'm glad when people do.

The next morning, we took Andy to the guys' place. And the following I took Cara to the airport. Going from a full house to an empty one (Katie was gone with friends too) made me sad. So I tried to go snowboarding again, but it was too icy. Then I tried to track down friends; the guys were busy. The girls were scattered among other friends, boyfriends, and knitting. So I showed up at the Chasteens (family with whom I spent Christmas day) because they seem like open door kinda people too. Twas fun to be with a family.

And today, another guest comes!! A surprise visit from an Evansvillian! LaDawn has been visiting a friend in France for a couple weeks and decided to check out Germany while she's here. So with her, Cara and her mom coming soon, and dogsitting two pooches next week, I'll have plenty of people (and animals) to love :)

It reminds me of my dream to run a halfway house. That would be such an incredible ministry- to offer second chances to those who can't find them anywhere else and challenge them to make the most of the chance. Loving people practically, occasionally getting in their faces, and showing them the forgiveness of Christ. Oh I would love that. This picture, by the way, is of the Blackwell House in Anderson, IN.

Snowboarding

2008-12-30T10:57:00.006+01:00

I went snowboarding for the first time Sunday and loved it (except for the lifts that I never got the hang of). I was so excited/nervous that I only slept about 3 hours. Still dark and early, Cara and I loaded up our borrowed-from-Maugenhard gear and went to pick up Micah and Chris. I wasn't sure how all 4 of us and our boards were going to fit into my average-sized sedan, but both the guys are the engineering, make-it-work type and made it work. The ride was funny. I was in my happy place- driving curves (although I spent most of the time thinking about how much more fun it would've been in a 911, R8, or something of that beautiful nature). Micah was the navigator who didn't pay much attention to Nuvi, the GPS. So Cara became the default back seat navigator. And Chris was the entertainment. We headed to Feldberg, the highest mountain in the state and just about 50 km NW of Kandern. It was wicked cold. I'm glad that Cara made me wear more layers than I wanted to.

As we stood in line--more like a throng-- for the first lift, Cara Micah and Chris talked me through some basics. Unfortunately the lesson of "don't try to sit on the lift thing; just let it pull you" didn't take. And when I tried to sit on it, I took my first spill of the day. Not painful but humbling to realize that I wasn't going to be naturally good at this. Those of you who have known me for any length of time probably know that I don't often like doing things I'm not naturally good at. So, the whole day was a very stretching, humbling, and fun one for me.

I waited at the bottom of the hill for my three friends with years of experience to greet me with "it's ok"s and "everyone falls off the lift at some point." I wanted to understand the physics of how boarding worked, so Cara and I stood behind a snowboarding class for a while so I could watch and glean. The guys got a break from me for a while and did their own thing. While Cara, ever so patiently walked backwards down the hill holding my hands while I tried different skills. What a good friend :) But after a while I asked her to leave me alone so I could make some mistakes and figure stuff out on my own.

I was equating this process to learning how to drive stick: last summer I bought a brand new manual trans without knowing how to drive it. Dad drove it to a parking lot for me, showed me the basics and rode with me for about 20 minutes. And then I kicked him out and told him I'd see him at home later. And that's when the real learning took place- while I was alone and could experiment. So Cara went on a long run by herself, and I found the wimpiest little sled run where I could test myself without someone holding my hands. I conquered the tiny hill 4 times then moved on to a real run. Everything was fine until I got to a big drop where all the cool guys were doing jumps. I freaked out and stopped myself by colliding with a padded light pole. I would've been content to lay there for a few minutes, but some man was picking me up before I'd even completely opened my eyes.

At this point I thought I had learned everything my brain could handle for one day, but Chris and Micah were not convinced. After all, the only minimally painful fall I'd had was with the sign. And how can someone learn to snowboard without some battle wounds?

So the three of us (don't know where Cara was) went to the T lifts. They talked me through it as we waded through the throng. I was so nervous! Chris went first to show me what to do. And Micah went with me- telling me before we got on, "just stand there and I'll do everything." The only thing I had to do was stand, and what did I do? I'm not really sure, but it wasn't standing because we fell. But Micah's the man and somehow pulled me back on. We ended up making it all the way, but with every bump he reminded me, "you're ok. Just keep standing."

Now atop, I imagined putting on my motorcycle helmet and barreling down the mountain taking out small children along the way. After all, my biggest fear was hitting my face on something and repeating last year's facial/teeth injuries. But if I'd had my helmet, I'm not sure what I would've been scared of.

But given that my helmet is currently in my parent's garage, I was a whiny, scared little girl. But Chris and Micah were so great. Chris would explain some skill, do it, then plop down in the snow about 25 feet away. Then Micah would pep talk me into trying it, following right behind me. This went on for a long time. I felt bad for those guys going so slowly with me when I bet they just wanted to fly down. But I was the only one complaining. Poor guys ;) I wouldn't have had the patience to put up with me. Every time I fell they sat down and waited for me to get the nerve to try again.

We finally made it down, found Cara, breaked for some food, then went back out to the same devil T lifts as before. Cara and Chris went first. Then Micah (again telling me to JUST STAND) and me. We didn't make it very far. But once again, he still had one arm gripping the bar and the other around me. They stopped the lift, and just as we were almost back on, they started it up... and we were dragged until my board somehow flipped sideways and got stuck in his. I really wish I could've watched us looking like a pretzled car wreck. It was funny from my perspective, but I bet it was hilarious to the people right behind us.

Somehow he talked me into trying it again, although I made him promise that he'd go without me if we fell again. After a brief initial slip up, we made it almost all the way up! Because Micah was busy getting me on the lift and telling me to JUST STAND!! he didn't actually get on the T. And his back foot wasn't on the step grip thing. So when we hit a bump near the top, we went flying. Again, Micah was my hero and very patient with me, following down behind me, encouraging me to get up when I fell, and pulling me up when I didn't want to.

All in all, it was a great day, and I am so thankful to have had such patient teachers. I didn't really get hurt, only ran into 1 person and 1 pole, and kept tackling the lifts despite falling every time. I consider that a mostly successful day :)

1019

2008-12-26T16:25:00.008+01:00

When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19

I love when God brings righteous conviction through watching someone else lead his or her normal life. A verse that has been a 2x4 to my mind and heart for the last several years is Prov 10:19. I can justify running my mouth as venting, asking for advice, or even asking for prayer. But it is probably the most obvious sign of my human depravity.

Recently, I was challenged and encouraged by a friend who apologized for something she said to me about someone else several months ago. I really wanted to thank her for the reminder, but I was afraid she would interpret that as cynically meaning "thanks for making me feel guilty for what I just said 5 minutes ago. I'll be sure to watch what I say around you." So I just smiled, thanked her for being obedient to repent, and made a mental note to emulate her as she emulates Christ.

Because I want to be glorifying Christ and not flaunting my old sinful nature, I've been studying the ways in which we sin with our tongues. And let me tell you, there are so many more ways than just lying...

Lying is an obvious misuse of the tongue. Prov 25:18 says a man who lies is like a sword or sharp arrow. Prov 6:17 states the Lord hates lying- that a liar will be broken beyond repair. Flattery in Psalm 5:9 comes from the open tomb of a throat, leading to inward destruction. Those are harsh words to be paired with flattery. Words of flattery (not to be confused with genuine compliments, but trite platitudes) in Psalm 12:3 also go along with proud words. David prays that the Lord "cut off all flattering lips and the tongue that speaks proud things." The overused tongue in Ecclesiastes 5:2-3 sounds all too familiar to me:

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words."

Sometimes when I'm talking I can hear how foolish I sound, but the words just keep spilling out along with my pride. I argue with myself: maybe if I keep going I'll be able to recover and fix all this.

God says in Prov. 18:13 that folly and shame are his who has a swift tongue and speaks before he listens. We should, instead, "be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (Jas 1:19). The backbiting tongue of Prov 25:23 "brings angry looks" and is in the same category as murder, hatred of God, and "every kind of wickedness" in Romans 1:29-31. Gossip is a poison that "goes down to a man's inmost parts" according to Prob 18:8. Cursing similarly "enters into the body like water" and can be retained as a garment that one wears all the time (Psalm 109:17-19).

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Prov 12:18). This verse is different than the others because it contrasts the wickedness of the tongue to its potential for being instrumental for good; it can heal too! The tongue can be used for good too: for glorifying God, edifying and encouraging one another, for teaching, correcting, rebuking, singing, praying, etc.

Who knew the tongue could wear so many hats? Lies, flattery, pride, overuse, swift, backbiting, gossip, cursing, and recklessness.

"The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts... it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." Jas 3:5-9

Please pray for me as I try to submit my words to Christ. I want to be exude truth and wisdom, not the poison I've been so quick to pour into my soul and others.

By the way, in my research of the tongue, I learned that crocodiles can't move their tongues.

First thing's first

2008-12-05T00:06:00.000+01:00

Recently someone asked me what the first thing is that I would do when I went back to the States. I didn't have an answer then. But looking back now (I've been on American soil for a few hours), the first thing I did here that I wouldn't have done in Germany was to tell a joke to a stranger.

I'm quieter and more reserved in Germany- kind of dull really without the ability to connect with people through wise cracks. It was so nice to look around Detroit and soak up the confidence that came with seeing a sea of people that I could effectively communicate with. Ahh, the motherland.

I'm waiting for my flight from Detroit to Dallas but am happy to report that I haven't gotten sick yet!! I only slept for 3 hours last night, so I was able to sleep through most of the train ride from Basel to Frankfurt this morning. Then when I got to the airport, I met the love of my life... not really, but he was an excellent flight attendant. First of all, this German man thought I was German (which always makes me feel good and boosts my language confidence). When I found my seat, he asked if I planned on sleeping most of the time. When I answered yes, he asked the man sitting next to me if he'd like to move to another seat a few rows away. The dude followed the suggestion, then my attendant friend came back and told me that now I could stretch out between three seats and wished me pleasant dreams. That made all the difference. I slept through one of the snacks. When I awoke, he showed up with chocolate ice cream in hand, telling me he set some aside for me. And then, when there were some problems that had our plane going in circles for a while, and we landed 4 minutes after my next flight took off, he called and rebooked a ticket for this evening, which was hand delivered as soon as I got off the plane...along with a voucher for a free meal, some frequent flyer miles, and a discount coupon for my next flight. Nice! Who says money can't buy love?

One more flight, and then I get to be with Asha! Yay!!

True Friendship

2008-12-03T19:02:00.003+01:00

Jafer, Asha & Me 2003.

I know a friendship is real when I can invite myself to someone's bachelorette party and bridal shower... and invite myself to stay at that person's apartment and be chauffeured to and from the airport at last minute's notice... and know that they would be ECSTATIC about it all!!!

That's my Asha :)

Ashaface, my best friend and college roommate, is getting married on Jan 16th, and unfortunately I can't go. So when she told me Monday that her parties were this weekend, you can imagine my excitement as I dreamed of crashing it!

So I busted tail Monday and Tuesday to get a week's worth of work done, bought my train and plane tickets today, and am headin out at 4:30 tomorrow morning!

I should be packing, sleeping, finishing up some work stuff, writing cards that I intend to mail from the States or getting together my 80s outfit for the party. But instead I'm watching Prison Break, eating Heath bars and penning odes in my mind about my love for Ashley as I reel in excitement.

Asha likes milk chocolate, and I like dark. Asha likes standing on desks when she doesn't get enough attention, and I like trying to knock her down. Asha loves her male family members...and so do I :) Asha likes doing hair, and I like having mine done. Asha likes to sip coffee, wear man pajama pants and read a book with her cats for days on end... then take a random trip to Vegas. I like to down my hot chocolate while tormenting her cats, and then take a random trip to New York. Asha likes to do silly things when she is "Shmashley," and I enjoy laughing at and taking care of her. Asha likes Gilmore Girls, and I like Prison Break. She likes Eloise and poetry, and I like soccer and fixing things. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, Ashley, you complete me. hahaha, just kidding. I know I could never compete with Frank the Tank.

Maybe I will write a list of remember whens on the flight. Like, remember when we threw the mattress out the fourth floor window? Or the day we became "blood sisters" after a wrestling match on concrete? Or when we listened to the animaniacs "nations of the world" song on repeat...in collge? :)

Ashaface is a true friend, and for her I am very thankful. It's too bad that we live on different continents and that she's about to become one of "those people"-- married ones who only hang out with couples, that is. Hmm, on second thought, are all your male family members married off?

Ok, it's 8pm and I haven't packed a thing. Time to go raid a girl's dorm for 80s gear.

Me and Asha 2003-4ish

Productivity

2008-11-27T03:32:00.002+01:00

It's amazing how much work one can accomplish when they stay at it for 19.5 hours. I've been working for days to enter all the students' flight information for Christmas break into a database that can spit out very useful reports, but distractions and projects kept taking precedence- the urgent over the important. So I decided today to work through the night and take off part of the day tomorrow. And whalah! It's 3:30am and it's mostly done! And by mostly done I mean I have done everything I can to organize those 1103 flights in the system without waking up some kids to ask them questions.

I'm so excited and relieved to finally have this huge chunk of my job squared away that now I can't sleep. I want to keep being productive! I tried laying on the floor for about 2 whole minutes then gave up on being able to shut my mind off anytime soon. So I did some nonograms (the silly little puzzles Nate got me addicted to), and my time was better than when I'm rested and such. Strange.

If I were in the States, I'd go grocery shopping then start cooking for Thanksgiving. But not only is everything closed in the little burb of Kandern, but I'm also locked in the school until 6am...Supposedly in an effort to discourage people from being workaholics, the sensors in the locks are changed so that people can't get in or out during the late night/ early morning. Then they just get people like me who stay the whole duration. Eh... oh well. I've got all day tomorrow to shop, cook, and move my bedroom back downstairs... unless I can figure out how to make the heater in my bedroom work. Literally, Monday night Cara and I were talking in my bedroom, and it was so cold we could see our breath!

So, everyone who has been asking why I am so happy to have my new sweatpants, there's the answer. My bedroom is the artic tundra... and because they make me want to run and slide across a smooth floor.

Just some thoughts

2008-11-20T12:18:00.004+01:00

There's not much funnier than listening to middle school boys trying to figure out if a girl likes them or not. (My office is in the stairwell between the middle school floors, so I'm privy to these kinds of conversations)

I think it's impossible for me to savor chocolate. I've been practicing not chewing and making them last longer. But I never make it past about 40 seconds. I just don't have that kind of self-control.

Today I felt very European walking the cobblestone streets in my pointy, knee-high boots with swirly tights sticking out the top, and having various oversized accessories. Next on the list: learning 5 other languages and dying my hair funny colors.

I just realized yesterday how much more entertaining it makes calling various embassies if I call ones other than in America or Germany. I hear those accents all the time, but yesterday I got to listen to British, Scottish and Aussie as well!

Sometimes I justify early morning naps to myself by saying I need to warm up the day's clothes by holding them under my pile of warm blankets for a while before putting them on.

Country music makes me miss the States more than any other genre.

I've noticed I get grumpy when I don't eat enough green, leafy vegetables. Good thing I like spinach enough to eat it everyday.

An finally for now, Christmas break at BFA starts in 29 days!

Books

2008-11-16T18:46:00.004+01:00

People, I need some new books to read. Suggestions? Fiction or non. Really, I'm open to anything except the Christian romance novels in which they fall in love and get married the next day. Those sweep me up then drop me on my butt when they're done. Please let me know of any intellectually stimulating things you've read that you think I might enjoy.

Here are a few photos from Sonne's thanksgiving celebration last week and the prettiest flowers I've ever received. I didn't get any pictures of the meal or even the nice spread, because well, I didn't want to miss out on the rolls. But here are some post-meal dogpiles. There was blood.

Daintiness

2008-11-12T12:47:00.004+01:00

When I came back to work Monday morning, I was expecting a few hundred emails in my inbox since I didn't check it a dozen times a day over the weekend to keep things to my 25-to-respond-to max like usual. But to my surprise, there were none- not even any spam! The server went down over the weekend, and the IT guys have been able to get all the accounts except for two up and running. If a tree is going to drop an acorn in a crowd, it will be on my head. If a drunk driver is going to hit any car, it will be mine. If 1 person in 10 million is going to have a reaction to a flu shot and face plant into the floor, it's me. And if any account is going to be dysfunctional in our server of hundreds of staff, students, and parents, apparently it will be mine too.

After two days of limited productivity at work, Kristi told me to "rest" today if my email still wasn't working. So I am. And it has been wonderful. The goal of today was to have a quality date with our God and thus regain my sense of daintiness.

I realize that probably sounds silly, but spending time in the Word, prayer, journaling, and just being still with God make me feel protected, and well...dainty. God and I mulled a lot of things over today, but here's something He challenged and encouraged me with, Hebrews 6. 9-12:

But, beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation, though we speak in this manner. For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

He is telling me, his beloved treasure, that He has good things in store for me, as if salvation isn't already enough and infinitely more than I deserve! He sees my work and the things I do in love for Him and for the missionary families that I'm currently serving. He is faithful. He sees my efforts even when I face disappointment and discouragement from those around me. He wants me to be diligent and not fall prey to the discouragement.

As I read and prayed through that passage, I could feel his shield going up around me. I have let myself be dragged down by disappointments these past few weeks and forgot that I had a stinkin big and strong Shield in front of me the whole time. I do not have to fight on my own, which is wonderful because it's really tiring, and I'm a weak little thing. "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Amen. Thus, I once again feel dainty and protected. My Shield has been there all along, I just forgot and have been peering around it's edge for too long.

Actually, after my date this morning, I felt so light and taken care of that I came home, turned on The Penguins, danced around for a bit, then tried on the only little black dress I brought to Germany. But when I looked in the mirror, I saw all the soccer scars on my legs and suddenly felt out of place in my own skin. What I was feeling on the inside didn't match the outside; just because God did some quality mending work on my heart this morning didn't mean he would take away my physical scars. And that's ok.

So, with my new found inner daintiness, I ditched the dress and heels and got the sweats back out and set to work on insulating the house, tending to the yard, working on the car, and rearranging furniture. I probably don't look too dainty right now, but I am so thankful that God is the keeper of my heart and that even as I strengthen my body and handy-woman skills, He is continually tending to my heart.

More than Mr. Jones

2008-11-10T11:44:00.002+01:00

Friends are addicting, and fun is my drug of choice. The problem with drugs is the crash after you quit. I’ve had a lot of fun the last few weekends; they are what got me through the weeks. But as I laid in bed this morning trying to talk myself into parting ways with my mound of warm blankets to welcome another cold day, it hit me that I have no more “fun” activities planned. Nothing at all. There are hypothetical things like hopefully some day I’ll get to snowboard, hopefully something fun will happen during my three weeks of Christmas break, or hopefully I’ll go back to the States sometime next year. But there’s nothing concrete- nothing to look forward to and make paper chains to help me count down the days. I would choose excitement over a nice, calm peace most any day, but excitement for me requires other people. Yes, I could go snowboarding by myself, hop on an easyjet and go to Glasgow for Christmas then Prague for New Years and make friends with strangers. I can go to sporting events by myself or get dressed up and go out. I can do the things I want to do, but really, where is the fun in making memories by yourself (or with people you’ll never see again)? My fun comes in seeing fun on the faces of those I love.

I like BFA. I like my job. But neither in nor of themselves are “fun.” This is hard, draining work, but it is GOOD work. I am not Sarah when sitting in an office shuffling papers and answering phones. I am Frau Haymond. Going back to my thoughts on Sarahness from a while back… Sarah needs to stretch her lungs, be sassy, get out and play, and take care of people… but I just feel so broken right now. I can’t carry on a conversation with anyone, can’t do silly dances, can’t make people laugh. Mir ist kaputt.

I went to visit Denton this weekend in Lausanne and feel pretty bad for him having to put up with me in my somber state. I really wanted to be fun and charming, but the more I tried, the emptier I felt. So, thanks D, for putting up with my crap. Poor guy... he’s too good to me.

The sermon at his church was about how God works through processes. I don’t know what kind of process I’m in—maybe realizing how much I crave relationships and how much more effective I am when with others—but I’m definitely in a process of some sorts. Several weeks ago, Mari Ellen asked me if I need people, to which I replied “no…not really.” And although I still stand by that— that I do not need people to live— I do need people to keep me shiny. Without others challenging me and encouraging the aforementioned “Sarahness,” I turn into a dull penny. When I’m alone for a long time, I stare at walls (aka Mr. Jones) and selfishly turn my thoughts inward. But when I’m with others, I can think about how to serve and love them (except Denton because homeboy doesn’t know how to let anyone do anything for him). So, I’m thankful for the friends God has given me and for their willingness to let me love them. Just while typing this, even, Timmy, Alyssa, Kristi, and Cara all came by to talk life. I like that. They are great. I do need people.

Anything but Normal

2008-11-04T17:10:00.004+01:00

Today was definitely anything but normal. The goal for the morning was to drive to Basel and buy train tickets for a student to go home tomorrow. But then came the request... "since you're going to Basel anyway and you speak German, how would you feel about picking up the science department's shipment that is stuck in customs at the airport?" Sure.

So at 9:30, Kristi hopped into my car and we headed to the Basel train station. Tickets from my favorite ticket salesman who reminds me of Mr Bean. Hot chocolate from Starbucks. A solid, uneventful start...then came the fun...trying to figure out how to get 3 boxes of black insect pins and amoeba slides out of customs. We found the airport and drove around in a few circles trying to follow the directions that were given to us that went like this "if you're coming from the city, you'll get to a traffic circle. Right after 100m by the casino. Tollstrasse. Cargo (not terminal). Look for a four story building that says FRET" (French for freight, although we wanted the Swiss side).

Whoever gave these directions to the guy who gave them to me should never give directions again. But Kristi has hawk eyes and saw FRET from probably a km away. A few more circles later we found our way to the locked-down building. So we went to the open building next door that had a Frachthalle sign outside. They sent us toward the locked down building. There was no way in. We must have looked pathetic standing in the huge parking lot full of UPS trucks and semis because some French speaker swiped his badge and pushed us through one of those turny-gates and into the world of FRACHT/FRET. He escorted us to the office of a man who spoke German who sent us through the intimidating warehouse double doors and to an office of another French speaker. She directed us to an office on the first floor. The lady upstairs took our money and explained that we needed to go to another office on the second floor, then the third floor, then back down to the warehouse except around the corner by the big ramp.

So we ventured to the second floor into another world of French (ahh!). Luckily the guy spoke enough (heavily French accented) German for us to communicate. And another hour and sum of money later we were on to the third floor. I handed them the stack of papers we'd collected from the lower two floors, and no one in that office seemed to know what they were or what to do with them. They advised us to not claim anything at the border and just "put the things in the back and hope you don't get stopped." They gave us whatever stamp we needed and moved us on to the warehouse...back to the little office we saw at the beginning. I signed some French papers, then the lady shooed us away... through the doors, to the right, at the end another right, through the other doors like these. We follow the instructions, laughing at the fact that we were just walking around these "highly secured" loading docks as if we ran the joint. I wanted to throw some boxes in the back of a truck just for the heck of it. But we continued.

We rounded the corners and found the doors, opened them and TAA-DAA! The French woman who had just given us directions on the other side of the warehouse was right there unloading our boxes. She must be a ninja to be that quick. I signed some more papers in French (even though we were supposedly on the Swiss, and therefore, German-speaking side). The man told us to stop at customs in Weil to "get money back." We were thoroughly confused since the people upstairs said go and hope you don't get caught, and now this guy is telling us to intentionally stop for our money back.

So, Kristi picked up the body-sized box, and I grabbed to two smaller ones. We started across the parking lot back toward the car and soon realized that we were trapped like rats in a cage! Where was our nice French man to swipe us back out of the compound?! We were standing by a place where cars could exit after a lady in the booth swiped their card and raised the traffic arm for them when some funny man drove by saying "hey what's up?" then motioned for us to walk behind his car as he drove through. But... we got caught. Apparently two giggling girls carrying a 5-ft long box isn't very sneaky.

It worked out to our advantage this time that the lady only spoke French. After asking us a few questions and us just staring dumbfoundedly or answering in other languages, she told us to just go. Yay! We could see the car!

There were probably about 100 men standing outside and maybe 5 women... it looked like a jail, or the military. We got stared at A LOT. I'm not sure if it's because we were trekking through the parking lot of semis or if we just are that attractive, but we'll choose the latter.

So, let's see. I made another wrong turn. The Swiss border at Weil was empty, so I stopped at the German side and asked him what to do with the papers to get money back. He sent us back into Switzerland and through another checkpoint, a place booming with business. As we approached the border, we had three lanes to choose from: the first was for cars with autobahn stickers, the second was for cars without stickers, and the third had a picture of a truck and said IMPORT. Kristi chimed in with the enthusiasm of a 5 year old, "let's be a truck!!" So I drove into the line of semis. We were importing, afterall.

The booth in which the customs worker sits in considerably elevated since the line is meant for semis. So when it was our turn at the booth, I had to get out of my squatty little car, stand on my toes and was still just barely tall enough to slide my papers into the slot for the lady. I could not stop laughing at how funny it must have looked. I looked around, and indeed, there were multiple people staring and laughing. The lady sent us away to "number 3." So I drove into lane number three...which ended at an empty booth with another traffic arm. So I backed up and drove the wrong direction until I could park in the truckers lot.

We went inside to a building full of little booths, like a row of bank tellers, except with a thick plastic partition between the employees and "guests-"one side of 12 Swiss windows and 12 German on the other side. A very outgoing man greeted us while we stared at the windows trying to decide where to go; I showed the German man our papers, and he said "Oh Black Forest! We have some Africans!!" He disappeared and came back with 2 Africans in tow. I guess they were to help with translation, although the man didn't give them an opportunity to speak, and after a few moments, he sent us to the Swiss side.

The Swiss guy looked comfused by our papers, asked to see our car, but when he realized we parked all the way down by the trucks instead of in the logical parking lot right next to the building he said that was good enough and went back inside. He gave us another paper to add to our stack and sent us "outside, around the corner, you'll get money back there." We followed the directions, met another person who looked at our papers as if he'd never seen anything like it before, and sent us to someone else who gave us our Swiss import fee back and sent us back inside to the Germans. While waiting for an available window on the German side, some man told us we had to go back to the Swiss side first. So we did. They stamped some more stuff and kept some of the papers, then sent us to the German windows. The Germans didn't know what to do with the papers and after the guy helping us had asked all the others in his little cubicle area some questions, he gave us some more stamps and a token to get out of the trucker parking lot.

Like the initial booth at this border, the token machine to raise the arm was also made for semis. Kristi took a picture of me on my toes, arm fully extended trying to get the token into the slot. I jumped back in and raced off in an effort to beat the arm coming back down. Finally free!

On the way back to school we also saw an old man literally stop in the middle of the street to check his watch. As if Kristi and I hadn't laughed enough, that was the icing on the cake for how ridiculous our morning was. So... 4.5 hours later we were back at school with the insects, amoebas, train tickets and empty Starbucks cups.

Being Genuine

2008-11-02T11:47:00.004+01:00

Happy Sunday. Today I craved some church time in English. I've been going to FeG, a German church in Kandern, for two primary reasons: to practice German and to make friends that are not also BFA coworkers. It has definitely served those purposes. I understand most of the services and have joined a small group and made some friends. But today I wanted to know that I understood the sermon... all of it... so I had home church and listened to Pastor Dave's sermon called "Be Genuine" from a few weeks ago at CFC.

The main point was that it is easier to practice religion than to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.

Take heed that you do not do your charitble deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. Matt 6.1

So this got me thinking about the condition of my heart- what I do that is practicing religion instead of loving God. And when I serve if I'm doing that out of genuine love for God and those I'm serving or if it's mixed in with some selfish desire to be noticed. I want so badly to be genuine- that everything I say and do be in response to Christ and not at all to impress others. But I'm a prideful and self-exalting person; so maybe I should just stop talking :] When words are many, sin is not lacking, right?

It also makes me think about what I do out of obligation and what I do because I want to. For example, people expected me to be at FeG this morning, but if I had gone, that would have been the only reason why- to fulfill the expectations of others'. So I had a good time in the Word at home and prayed that next week I will have a legitimate desire to fellowship with others.

Just to clarify, there is an English-speaking church at BFA called BFCF, but I've learned that I can't be there and not work. I want to meet with other believers for the purpose of growing closer to God while encouraging and being encouraged- not doing things to get a head start on the work week.

Love God. Love people. Serve. Be peacemakers. And be genuine in all of it. Wouldn't that be incredible?

Disclaimer

2008-10-28T22:29:00.002+01:00

I suppose I should offer a disclaimer to all future roommates: I like to stretch my lungs :)

Katie just came and shut my door because she said we were having a battle of country and hymns. Apparently Josh Turner and I were winning because I didn't even know there was a battle.

Being cooped up in an office makes me need to be loud and active. And because I don't have the energy to go running tonight (sick again...), singing and dancing around my living room is the outlet of choice. But man, I would love to two step the night away. I wonder if honky tonks exist in Europe. I'll add that to my list of things to find/do. Already on the list are Sanssouci, snowboarding, a girls night in Prague, going to the baths, not being freaked out by video Skype, losing my voice at a Euro/Worldcup game, mastering the train system, and being swept off my feet in Glasgow.

Someday I will do those things. Right now, I know I'm stretching myself too thin, but I've also never been more compassionate and loving than God is making me right now. When things hurt the students hearts, it hurts mine, too. One of the guys had something written on his arm (in his own, made up language) that he heard during chapel a few weeks ago that has stuck with him and me:

BREAK MY HEART WITH WHAT BREAKS YOURS.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

It has been great to connect with others enough to be broken hearted with what breaks theirs, but I crave being able to have that identification with Christ. I want to know His heart so well that it moves me to God glorifying thoughts, feelings and actions. I want us to resonate. And, I want to love as fiercely as He does. How in the world does one love fiercely? I'm not too sure, but I'm willing to bet that that is a prayer God would willing answer- Abba, teach me to love like You do... to love fiercely.

Side note... Josh Turner is pretty... and so is his voice.

In Christ Alone

2008-10-26T21:05:00.001+01:00

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Exhale

2008-10-25T23:46:00.007+02:00

I've written three drafts of blogs over the last several weeks that I never actually posted. So instead of posting the out-dated stories, I'll just recap a bit.

I've been without Ted at work for about a month now. Here are before and after pictures of the office.

I went on a great hike in the Alps several weeks ago. You know the song from Cinderella "so this is love....mmmmm....mmmm...?" That's how I feel about the Alps. Being there was such a great getaway time for me and God. Here are some pictures.

Two weeks ago I was missing five points (my favorite spot in Birmingham AL). I spent the weekend reading The Shack (which I would love to discuss with anyone else who has read it) and found myself wishing to be sitting in downtown Birmingham around the busyness of people instead of sitting alone on my picturesque balcony in Germany. A few days later, I went to Loerrach (where I go to the various government offices every few days) just to explore the city and had such a great time with God. I don't even know how to articulate what was so special about it, but I felt like I was on a date--just the level of intimacy and excitement I had talking things over with God. Very cool. And then it was a cherry on top when I realized that the place I had been sitting for a quite a while was where five roads converge and people mill around... five points Loerrach. I felt like God was giving me a little gift.

This past Sunday I went to some castle ruins in Staufen with the Winslows (fellow BFAers) and their friend/might as well be son, Denton. It was gorgeous, but my favorite thing was making a nonBFA friend who has a similar sense of humor. It was so refreshing to not be asked questions about visas, taxes, and travel arrangements!This week was the first time I've felt overwhelmed in this job. It hit me one morning that it was not physically possible fo me to get everything done that needed to be done. So I belted out a few verses of "In Christ Alone" and asked for patience with myself. Not everything I wish could've been done got done, but life goes on.

Wed, Thurs and Friday were tough for sure with the weight of the things that weren't getting done. So today I vegged...all day in my sweats, ate a whole pizza by myself, watched a movie, laughed a lot with my new complicated friend Denton, and it was exactly what I needed. I fell short on my laughing quota this week, so I had to make up the deficit today.

So, right now, things are good. After a few days of holding my breath, I'm finally exhaling. There is a lot of work to do this week, but it's a 4 day week!! No school Friday. And I get to go to Herbstmesse (like Evansville's Fall Festival) next weekend. Bring on the festival foods.

Behind

2008-10-15T22:33:00.003+02:00

I am behind in blogging. My computer was mostly dead but is now mostly back to life. There are many things I want to tell and pictures to show. My camping trip in the Alps, before and after pictures of my office, and the incredible ways I'm being stretched...But for now, I just went to my first German small group (studying Romans in German, ah!), and I loved it. Something funny though: I can't say my own name in German. They don't have the same "r" sound as in "Sarah," and my attempts at learning to roll my "r"s over the last 8 years have been in vain. Schade. Too bad.

A Relaxed Evening

2008-09-24T20:12:00.002+02:00

Tonight is the first night that I've been home (and awake) in a few weeks. I haven't felt like myself lately; so I'm making a conscious effort to get back to Sarahness. My boss-friend Kristi pointed out that I don't goof off as much as I used to, and that's sad because silly = fun. I've also not been spending quality time in the Word, working out, cooking, reading, telling silly stories, dancing, playing soccer, singing at full volume, having one-on-one conversations and prayer time with people...basically the things that make me happy. I don't really know what I have been doing that has taken up so much time...working I guess? I really enjoy working, but not having stuff outside of work makes a pretty sad life. So, anyone who reads this, please take this confession as a request to keep me accountable.

Since Saturday I've made time in the Word and prayer priority.
Working out: I went for a pretty humbling jog today and seriously thought about lifting
Cooking: I made a pizza... it's a start. Better than just bread and chocolate.
Reading: I tried tonight but just couldn't get into the only genres I had on hand
Telling silly stories: Yep, definitely haven't told any stories lately :(
Dancing: I did lots of that over the weekend while by myself in the Sonne laundry room
Soccer: haven't played in weeks...maybe Sunday night if not too tired from a weekend of hiking
Singing: I just took a break from typing this so I could belt out some tunes, so I could write that I'd done it. Life feels constricted without stretching the lungs once in a while.
One-on-one conversations and prayer: I'm trying to engage people in real conversations and am asking for specific prayer requests from people. I feel like I get to talk with God about my friends more than I get to talk with my friends about God. I'm not sure if that's good...or if that's just the nature of the busyness beast of BFA.

As you can see, I'm working on getting back to me and living a meaningful life worthy of the calling. Friends, please check up on me every once in a while to help keep me on track to being a healthy, well-rounded person.

Lessons from Sonne

2008-09-21T16:42:00.004+02:00

I got to spend the weekend at one of the guys' dorms, Sonne (I have already gotten an earfull from the Maugenhard family). And I count myself blessed to have been able to work with the staff and hang out with those great guys. I'm going to try to articulate the immediate lessons I learned from the staff members.

The first lesson came from Tommy. I really respect his wisdom in keeping things private that should stay so. "When words are many, sin is not lacking. But he who holds his tongue is wise." He knows how to deal with people appropriately and speaks with grace and wisdom!

The next lesson came from Sharon. When I got to the dorm Friday night, there were a ton of things to be done for the boys. So after we prayed together, she delegated the work to me so that she could have time in the Word. She recognized that it was more important to take care of the condition of her heart than to do the running around stuff. Very Mary-Martha. Very cool.

The conviction stick was wieled by the Spirit in Andy, unbeknownst to him. When asked why I live the way I do, I gave a shallow, earthly (although legitimate!) answer, to which he replied, "is that it?" Line drive to the chest. The question stuck with me throughout the day, and I rolled it around as I rolled cookie dough. The decision to live a "good life" during and after college was made from a mostly shallow thought process that went something like "the type of man I want to marry deserves someone better than me, so I'd better straighten up so he likes me when he comes around." Although that's a valid decision, it's not enough. That puts way too much emphasis of my significance in that relationship instead of in Christ. So, I once was living for the approval of man, but now I live for glorifying God. Andy wasn't trying to convict me, but that's the Spirit working through him.

And, finally, CB. From her I learned about boundaries, a prerequisite for being the only single female in a guys' dorm. During a campfire, the boys wanted to have manly bonding time- haha, which I guess just means taking off their shirts in the freezing cold. And despite my saying "what's the big deal!? If you want to take your shirts off, take them off! I don't care," they waited until CB and I left. As we were leaving she told me that she instilled a shirts-on policy for the guys when she's around. Not only do I respect that that is important to her, I respect that she has communicated that to them well enough that they respect her wishes even with another adult saying the opposite.

I definitely feel blessed and challenged by my time in the dorm. It's a bit sad to come home to quietness and just cooking and doing laundry for one, but I've got plenty to think and pray about now. So, thank you to Tommy, Sharon, Andy, and CB for challenging and encouraging me just by being yourselves. And thank you for trusting me with your Sonne fellas.

Much love for a Spirit-filled weekend with Sonne boys and staff.

Also, everyone who has been to my apartment has said something about the tiny little spiral staircase that goes up to my room. We all knew it was just a matter of time until I went tumbling down, and today was that day. My teeth are still in my head, so I'm ok!

2008-09-18T19:05:00.005+02:00

The girls at Laura's not-so-surprising birthday party

My new room!

The curtains chose the floor over hanging on the wall one night while I was sleeping.

I would like a life-size cutout of Lucky the Leprechaun to put on that little attic door.

And they said Germany didn't have closets...

One of the more random facets of my job is ordering mass quantities of peanut butter and brown sugar that is imported from Holland. I put one of the 10kg "pales" of peanut butter next to my laptop for size reference. At Laura's party, see picture of beautiful ladies above, Laura and I stirred and divided up this pale of separated natural peanut butter. And we only broke one huge cooking spoon in the process!

I love the RAs

2008-09-16T20:15:00.002+02:00

Before coming to Germany, people told me that moving overseas would teach me things about myself. Here's what I've learned: I am much more extroverted than I ever knew. I always knew I was energized by being with people, but now, I crave being with people! And the RAs have been so wonderful. Today 3 of them came by my office & 2 left a "love note" (females) on my car. Aww... It's a good combination that when they get time off they need a place to go and that I have a place and love people using it! The last several Mondays (the day they get off every week), people have been at my apartment with and without me there- which makes me really happy to know that they are comfortable enough with me to know that I like them being there even when I'm not. And this weekend I got to hang out with the guys that had the whole weekend off. It was so nice to spend some time with Y chromosomes. Friday we got Doner (*meat happy dance*) and watched a movie. Saturday we spent a leisurely hot chocolate afternoon at a cafe and went to Freiburg for Mexican! Then another movie and some good talk time. So wonderful, but now I recognize what it is I miss most about the United States...not my family (I'm sorry! I love you all!!!), not food, not being able to laugh at jokes...I miss having guy friends. I'm not sure why I can't seem to make solid connections here, but just trying to have a real conversation with most leaves me feeling like they think I'm trying to flirt with them (does that make sense?). And the few that I have been able to have meaningful conversation with have been subject to the wagging tongues of destructive joking and gossip. So right now, I'm bummed. I have some excellent girlfriends here, but I feel lop-sided without my guys around to balance out life. Please pray for some quality friendships.

The Embassy Adventure

2008-09-11T21:57:00.003+02:00

Once upon a time my friends Lane and Michelle realized a few days before their visas were to expire that they were completely out of pages in their passports and could thus not get new visas before going to an embassy to get pages added. Unfortunately, things at their dorm have been a bit crazy and a day trip to the embassy was difficult to plan. When Lane finally created the opportunity, he drove a couple hours to the embassy with both their passports as well as a few of the students who were in the same predicament. Embassy denied his request since he was not the power of attorney for any of the passports. So he drove back home, a day wasted, only to break the bad news to an already overwhelmed wife who just wanted the mess to be done.

So the next day I went to the embassy with letters of "power of attorney" in hand for all of the passports. I thought the embassy closed at noon and was traveling quickly down the autobahn to get there asap. I ended up getting into the city about 10:45am- gas light going on as I went into city limits. Found the embassy and proper parking garage- no problems until I tried to walk out of the parking garage the way I drove in. But there were no doors! I had come in through a censored door that closed behind me. I looked around, saw no exit signs, felt totally stupid, cursed the unrelenting doors and proceeded to run through the parking garage like a crazy woman. Some man found man and must have recognized the panic expression on my face and said something like, "you look like you need a friend." I think I said something really classy like "or a door out of this place!" He befriended me by showing me the exit. Too bad it put me out on the wrong side of the building with fences all around. So...basically, it took me about 10 minutes to find the other side of the stinkin building. I asked 2 people for directions, and they both gave me directions to the old embassy in French. I knew it was the wrong place because the directions were way too long and involved busses. One lady scoffed at me when I tried to explain that that was the wrong embassy as if saying you're the one who asked for directions.

But I got there. Running. I enter and the woman nonchalantly asks, "are those all yours passports?" Yes! All 8! With 8 different names! Whew, I tried not to be sarcastic since I was asking her to process 8 passports in an hour's time. I waited an hour taking note of how many American passport holders don't speak a lick of English. After a while I started guessing what kind of accent people would have based on how they were dressed. Sometimes I was right, some wrong. But my favorite guy of the whole day strolled in wearing an all white suit. Security guard asked him to remove his belt and SNAP! It was like lightning! And immediately "Billy Jean" by Michael Jackson started playing on the soundtrack in my head. I laughed aloud. I'm not sure why that song apparently goes with my stereotype of that guy, but who am I to fight the music playing in my head?

Noon rolled around and the nice embassy lady told me that they hadn't started working on my 8 passports because their computers were down, but to come back at 2:00. She'd tell the guards to let me straight in. I was excited! Special treatment from embassy people is always nice!

I got quite bored walking in circles. Switzerland is too expensive to buy the fun European shoes I've been seeing about, but I found a big sports store that kept my attention for a while. But not long enough, so I went back to the car in the devil parking garage for a nap. And guess who left the interior lights on! Ding Ding!! Great...so not only am I out of gas, but now it might not start. I turned it off, waited a bit, prayed, cranked it, let it run, then the car and I both took a little nap. Thank you God.

2:00 I went to pick up the passports to find a line of about 25 people outside the embassy, because you know what? They DON'T close at noon! I didn't have to rush to get there afterall! But the nice guard man did let me go straight back in, and by 3:30 they were finished.

Yay! It worked! Now everyone can get their visas and be in Germany legally. Now only 2 more hurdles to overcome: filling the gas tank and finding my way back to Germany. I had passed a few gas stations on the autobahn on the way into town, but not only did I not know which autobahn I was on since I was just following signs to get to the booming metropolis of Bern, but I came in on a one-way, and I couldn't remember how far away they were. And the car was sputtering. I asked for directions at the embassy, and none of the workers had vehicles and therefore couldn't tell me where one was. Finally, they pulled a man in who gave me directions to an "underground station." What?! I tried to find it, but gave up after a while. Stopped again. And got more directions in French. Ahh! I don't speak French! So a woman hopped in my car and pointed the directions for me to go. I got there; she left. Enter gas station man who filled the tank completely for 89 Swiss Franks (CHF). I had 72 CHF. If this had happened in the States, where I usually felt in control of my life and everything going on around, I would've been mortified. But here, it was a bit humbling, but not too traumatic. I'd never filled the tank before, and didn't know how much it would take. I made a mistake, and won't do it again. He wouldn't take card but unhappily accepted the deficit in Euros.

So with a full gas tank, I ventured back onto the road. It was easy to find Bern; there are signs all the way there from Kandern, and I'd been there before. Unfortunately, there are no signs heralding traffic toward Kandern, Germany. I slept the entire way back from Bern last time I went. And I had neither directions or a map. But, praise the Lord for giving me a decent sense of direction, because I got back to Kandern with no wrong turns (although I questioned myself multiple times).

And thus, concludes my adventure to the embassy in Bern, Switzerland. Michelle was very happy that neither she nor Lane had to go. And I'm happy to have learned the flow of things at the embassy, how to get in and out of parking garages, the hours of the embassy, the procedure of filling up a gas tank, and the overall joy of being a foreigner.

Meet Mardy

2008-09-06T09:52:00.006+02:00

Remember my story teaser? Last Sunday I was cleaning through one of the upstairs bedrooms (which I moved into yesterday), and I found this pretty box hidden back in a corner.

And this is what was in the box...

Check out those teeth!
I laughed so hard my stomach was sore the next day. I wanted so badly to share it with someone else who would think it was funny that I got out my BFA phone list and desperately searched for anyone I thought would not be disgusted. I thought maybe a couple of the guys might think it funny, but some of the guys around here are a strange breed and would probably think I was hitting on them or trying to find an excuse to call them. So, I called the girls who just moved out of this apartment and said “you'll never guess what I found in the bedroom!” I don't think they enjoyed it as I'd hoped. Haha, oh well. Maybe someday I will have a friend that I feel comfortable approaching that will enjoy the humor of things like this with me.

This little creature, a Marder, is a wicked thing that sounded like folklore to me until I saw one. These marders love eating insulation and hoses in cars and houses. The way people talked about these mysterious critters that are too fast to be seen or caught-- you can just see their footprints on your car in the morning or hear them running in the walls at night-- seemed a bit made up. People buy expensive "Marder Devices" for their cars to ward them off, spray pepper sprays on felt pads they attach to their cars...all kinds of stuff. But, now, I believe.

So, obviously, I'm not throwing this little guy away. They're too fast to be caught, but I have one in a pretty floral box! The hard work is already done! Some day, some punk high school boy will pull a prank on me, and I will be ready with my retaliation. Katie was not a fan of my keeping him, so I took him to our scary shed.

And now he can be friends with the other things people are scared of that also live in that shed, like Natasha here:

So, now that you've seen what I saw that day and have either laughed with me or are now too disgusted to eat anytime soon knowing that I held a petrified nasty animal, here's the best part. I ran into the family who lived in this apartment before the last pair of girls and told them about it. I was definitely not expecting to hear "we left him there?!?! Honey, Sarah found Mardy!!!!" Elation ensued. WOW. The mother of the family proceeded to tell me that this apartment used to be infested with marders, and just a few years ago the roof was removed and the generations of marders extracted from the walls. They found this petrified one and kept it as a show-and-tell item for the kids. His name is Mardy...and they want him back... to take him to their home in the States. I'd like to see them explain him at customs.

Today's Thoughts

2008-09-03T21:54:00.002+02:00

A few things I've pondered today... 1. I wonder if compulsive email checking will be included in the DSM-V? 2. Having a roommate is good practice for a future family. Katie has been asking me to read over some papers for the last week, but it (along with much of my personal life) has consistently taken a backseat to work. Living by myself for the last few years allowed me to be the occasional workaholic, but I can't do that and give enough time to maintaining our home. So, I'm learning a lot about priorities and boundaries. 3. God loves us to love others. I'm working on checking my motives- trying to avoid things of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility considering others before myself and loving. Someone asked me a few days ago if before I came to Germany I'd anticipated it to be a time of healing and significant growth. I never had mentally set this time apart as a special opportunity for Him to do works in me that He wouldn't have done otherwise. But, if things keep progressing how they are now, big things in my heart and life are going to happen while serving at BFA. I'm excited to experience even more of His plan, joy, and peace.

And because today was a workaholic day, I didn't take a picture to go along with that story I left hanging. Maybe tomorrow ;)

Life Soundtrack

2008-09-02T21:26:00.003+02:00

I've been working on compiling my life soundtrack for a few years. I think it would be fantastic to have some kind of chip embedded in my head that would track my emotions and play the perfect song to match appropriate moments just like a movie-- Nickelback "Far Away" when being swept off my feet, Norah Jones or Amos Lee when walking through the hills enjoying the breeze by myself, Dane Cook telling the occasional joke, some Mortal Kombat soundtrack when needing to get out some frustration, Panic! at the Disco or Ludo after I realize my eyes have glazed over and I need to wake up, Marc Broussard when walking in the rain, Josh Groban when cleaning the house on Saturday mornings, Slipknot when in a cage fight (I try to be prepared for every situation)...you get the point. But tonight, I've decided that as great as it would be to have my personal soundtrack (with an off switch behind my ear of course), I would settle for Jon McLaughlin following me around with his piano. He is just so talented! It's a shame I made this realization after moving to Germany--I mean, we were living in the same state. We could've had some good times--him melting my heart with every smooth note he sings and me offering nothing but the joy of my company. Sounds fair :)

The past couple days have been the busiest yet at work, but I've also had some great time with friends!! There's not a whole lot I can tell about work that would be interesting to read; as exciting as the ins-and-outs of visa applications are, I'll spare you the details. Last night some RAs came over on their night off, and it was a blasty blast. Sam, Steph, Candy and I got some Asia Wok (yum) and brought it back to my home...dinner on the balcony was nice and great for relaxing after a week full of change for all of us. Then we hiked up to "my" gazebo. I can really only claim it because I live closer to it than any other BFA people, so I get the joy of early morning and late night visits (my 2 favorite city views, sunrise and city lights at night). Then today Nathan and Tim, my saviors of the day, offered a much appreciated break and let me have some good ol dorm food :)

I am very tired right now, but want to give you a story teaser-- Sunday afternoon while working around the house I found a very pretty floral box hidden under some flooring way back in the corner of a room- obviously a special treasure hidden by a child. I'll share what that special treasure is after I take a picture of it tomorrow...

Car, Camping & Chocolate

2008-08-30T13:55:00.011+02:00

My new ride!
And this sweet decal action is how you know I bought it in Germany

I miss my family, but I must admit that I'm being pulled into a pretty great family here, too. The Grubbs had me over for dinner this week and listened to me pour out my heart and ask for advice before even the main course. I also had dinner with the Stuckeys. They love themed parties; so this one was a happy birthday to everyone party. We told silly stories on ourselves and had a great time. And the people who I knew would be family once I got here, the Youngs, are in the States this week, so I can't add any dinner stories about them yet...but they furnished most of my apartment! So they're pretty darn great too :)

Another fantastic family is that of the single ladies, especially those of us not in the dorms. I love the RA ladies, but the residence life and teaching/administrative staff are quite separate during the school year, simply because of schedules. That's why I say specifically the non-dorm women. Last night 11 of us went camping, and it was so great to get away for a night and get to know people outside of school. As we were getting ready to go to sleep, sprawled out on the floor in the little hut we stayed in (see photo below), I realized I was the only "new staff member" there and that I felt completely welcome. So, I told them that, and a massive "awwww" followed. Another great family is the young couples- who I've actually spent quite a bit of time with although I don't suppose I fit the defining factor of the group. Tonight I'm having dinner with 5 couples. I'm really glad that they invite me to stuff because they are incredible people, and because (selfishly) I feel like I'm learning a ton about relationships by just being with them and watching them interact. I'm learning what things are helpful within marriages as well as relating to others as a married person and what things aren't...what things show a man that his wife respects him and ways to show a wife love, what questions to ask, how small issues can become bigger if not dealt with, what to do when you're without TV, car, phone, internet, or friends other than your spouse for an extended amount of time...all kinds of good stuff. I used to make jokes about seeing how some of my guy friends treat their wives by saying something like "that's why I'm not married" or "you just convinced me to stay single forever." Looking back I realize how bad that was for me to say (even as a joke) to those guys; I really hope I didn't cause damage. But these new friends are showing me what good, Christ-centered marriages can look like... and how having someone to serve with can be better in some ways.

Having several families with different strengths = answered prayer

Having a car = liberating

Hiking and camping with great friends = the needed break from work to keep me sane (and fun:)

Eating from a never-ending supply of real dark chocolate everyday = divine

And, finally for today, in response to my last post about my desire for a healthy heart, I got several concerned emails from people thinking that I'm having a breakdown or that that post is just a surface explanation of what's "really going on." Let me assure you that I'm not that complex; I say what I mean. No breakdowns or veiled hidden meanings...so if you're one of those people, stop reading between the lines. I want a more compassionate heart. I want to actually get to know people and let them do the same. And, for those of you still trying to read farther into my words, this has nothing to do with a guy--just my wanting more depth.

A Productive Day

2008-08-27T22:53:00.004+02:00

Within the last day I've gotten a phone, internet at home, online banking, and bought and insured a car. YaY!!!! These were the things that were overwhelming me, and in a short day, ta-dah! Amen :) So...now I can update my blog and add some pictures.

Yesterday was Opening Ceremony at BFA. The students come from 48 countries. They marched in behind their respective flags, and each country was introduced. It almost moved me to tears just thinking about how big of a thing I'm involved in. My role is small, but this school is so integral to work being done all around the world. I got to meet some students and parents and am excited about getting to know all these new faces!

Right now I'm so ecstatic to have access to the internet that I'm not even sure what to say! So I'll show some pictures...

Me and Steph (my fellow Hoosier) at Hochblauen

Sausenburg Castle ruins (just about 5km from my apartment)

Check out that sky...

Solveig, Rachel, Katie and Me atop Sausenburg

I need to start carrying my camera with me so I can show you guys more of life. It's definitely not all mountaintops and castleviews. The last week has been quite the emotional ride for me. Tonight I was able to articulate my greatest desire right now--to have a fully functioning heart. I feel like most of my heart is encased in a metal shell that has never really been broken into (and keeps people at an arm's distance) but significantly dented from some hammer blows trying to break in; and the nonhardened part is raw and missing large chunks- some given away, some ripped out. So, that's one of my main prayers right now, that God will do what it takes to get my heart to a place where I'm sensitive to Him and to people but still guarding my heart which is the wellspring of life. I've never found this balance, so I don't know what it looks like. I'm really hoping that to get a fully functioning heart that honors Him I don't have to go through total brokenness. But if that's what it takes to be genuine and effective then bring on the tissues. So, here's to a healthy heart!

New School Year

2008-08-25T18:55:00.002+02:00

School starts tomorrow! I'm ready for the students to arrive and to see BFA in action. Today was orientation for parents, and I've never been asked so many questions that I don't know the answers too. Questions like, does Air Slovenia fly directly into Frankfurt on any weeknight that will still allow my son to catch a train to Basel? And how much would that cost? I definitely have a lot to learn! But, I know that people must still be praying for me to not be overwhelmed because I'm not. So, thank you! The last week has been an emotional roller coaster, which for any of you that know me well, know that that in and of itself is a stretch! I'm not typically an emotional person, but this last week has brought out quite the gamut in me. I think it's because I've been without my two main emotional releases- sports and singing very loudly while driving. To try and get back into balance I played indoor soccer last night with a bunch of men (yay! for them letting a girl walk on and score some goals), will play volleyball tonight, and am going car shopping tomorrow. Maybe things will be right in my world again :)

Please pray for smooth transitions for the students and the parents that have to leave them, as well as for my quick learning of the job.

Dear Readers

2008-08-16T11:09:00.002+02:00

Dear You'enses,

Still no internet at home and the incapability to update the blog from my work computer has made for poor blogging. Sorry! On a happy note though, things are going very well. Right now I'm at one of the dorms and can't particularly concentrate. So a "real" update will come soon.

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-28T09:44:00.010+02:00

I will post later to tell you about my trip and getting started here in Germany, but here are some pictures to show you a little of my new life.

This is my home! Above are pictures of the exterior, hallway, and bedroom with all the windows! Below are two of the views from my apartment.

Bye United States!

2008-07-23T21:57:00.004+02:00

Just got a plane ticket! Tomorrow at 1:50pm I will be heading to Germany... I can't believe this is actually here! And I have an apartment...with some furniture! Actually, there are so many great things happening today that I can't even slow my mind down enough to type them. So, I will finish packing and squaring away details and write some more later. It will probably be from the other side of the Atlantic ;) Please pray for the rest of the BFA new staff who are also raising support and looking to get to BFA within the next few weeks.

By the way, I don't know who that excited woman is, but my camera is packed and that's pretty similar to how my face has looked all day.

Wowsers Bowser!

2008-07-20T20:31:00.010+02:00

If the events of a week could be predicted by how the preceding Sunday goes, I would say that this week will be great. The past two weeks have followed the suit of their respective Sundays. Two weeks ago was the fun part of the roller coaster. Last week was the part of the ride after a fun drop when you hit the bottom and it turns into a dark tunnel at the same time, leaving your brain rattling in your skull. I say it's time to come back up and into the light.

It's only 1:30pm, but already today I've had face-to-face conversations with ALL of the people who were unreachable last week who are involved in the getting-me-to-Germany process. Three people handed me checks at church! I saw an old friend from high school who is doing missions in Sudan! I got to hear the stories from the Uganda Mission Team! And there is still a lot of day left! Still another church service, dinner with friends, a motorcycle ride, and some planned quality one-on-one talk time.

Today is good. And last night I learned that I really like the game Rock Band. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better because hopefully there will be plane tickets involved :)

I'm so excited I need to bake something...and watch some more Scrubs and Lost in German. Dr. Cox talks way too fast for me to understand his tirades on Scrubs, and if I didn't know the story of Lost in English, I would probably be...lost. But German TV is definitely a more fun way to study than just reading the dictionary.

And, I found some new quality German music to add to my collection, Massiv. He uses the word ghetto a lot. I like it. And, if anyone is interested, Kandern has a city website.

A Break in Stride

2008-07-19T01:31:00.010+02:00

Sometimes a girl just needs to go on a date. And today was that day. As EXCITED as I am about going to Germany, today I needed a little break from thinking...! Dinner and a movie were deemed necessary. So, me and my bottle of orange juice (a.k.a. Mr. Minute Maid...Mr. Dole wasn't available) went to see The Dark Knight. Good movie; a bit long. But Christian Bale (one of my top 5 actors) all buffed up, talking in his deep voice, taking punches like they're fluffy clouds attacking, riding a motorcycle, stitching his own wounds...poor Mr. Minute Maid didn't stand a chance. He's just too little and sweet. My man Christian, however, certainly has come a long way since Newsies.

It was nice to not think for 3 hours. I'm not a dinner and movie kinda girl, but that was good.

By the way, this is my new favorite picker-upper. When I need a chuckle, this is where I turn. It is full of great lines like "toughness and victory will be yours. Master the two-finger jab and you will defeat anyone."

Watch out, boys, I've been practicing. I also now know how to defend myself from an uzi. This treausred piece of literature is going to Germany with me; so if you will be in Germany as well, I highly recommend coming over and studying LIGHTNING JU-JITSU. You never know when someone wearing a sport jacket with a bazooka slung around his back might put you in a full-nelson.

Hey Everyone, I got Skype today. I haven't used it yet though; so, if you have it as well and would like to show me the ropes my contact name is SarahHaymond

God made me laugh

2008-07-15T16:47:00.012+02:00

The past few days have been ones of fighting for me. Fighting being sick. Fighting friends. Fighting frustration. Fighting the urge to just lay on the floor and feel pathetic.

In college, I used to sit in my dresser when I was sad...apparently...because Ashley, my former roomie, has mutiple pictures of me sitting in that drawer and calls them "sad sarah." Haha, I'm silly. If I still had a dresser big enough I would be tempted to sit in it.

So after I fought myself earlier to go running (more like bounce-walking), I came in exhausted and opened the Bible to 1 Corinthians. And God made me laugh.

"24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. 25 And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. 26 Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. 27 But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified."

So I will continue to fight. I don't like it- it's hard and lonely. But I will fight to run in such a way that I may obtain an imperishable crown, being disciplined and preaching to others along the way. I will put on my fighting gear and continually train myself in the Word everyday.

Bloomington

2008-07-13T19:06:00.005+02:00

Yes, last week was pretty sugar and spice, and yesterday was a great way to wrap up the week. I went to Bloomington for Leslie & Eric's wedding. I love Christ-centered weddings; I cry everytime...not ugly cry...just eyes welled up. Leslie is one of my good friends from high school who is an absolute rock. Every ounce of her being exudes Christ- even when she's grumpy she loves. Everytime I spend time with her, I leave encouraged. And I couldn't be happier that Eric married her, because he is an incredible man of God. So yay! for solid foundations in marriage! I remember about a year ago talking with her about her wanting to be married and maybe on the mission field and deciding that singleness would not stop her from following God. And how awesome to see that she obeyed Him by going into her ministry, and He's blessed her with Eric to minister with. I love it!

Then after the wedding, I went to Church of the Good Shepherd carnival thing. I don't know what it's called :) And I got to meet Jake & Amanda's son Peter! Absolutely precious. I visited the church once this past winter. So I remembered a few faces and names but not a whole lot of details about anyone. It was interesting what people remembered of me from both there and at the wedding (because I'd also met a few of those people that same weekend I visited Good Shepherd).

The bridesmaids knew me as "Faceplant Girl who is a lady." The two stories they remembered about me were that I busted my face and that a married man once asked me out and my response was "no thanks, I'm a lady."

Lane remembered me as the girl who likes motorcycles and thought I was going to hit him when I jokingly balled a fist.

Abram remembered me as a rock climbing instructor.

Kara remembered me as the girl Jake was trying to marry off. Which, by the way, I guess he's put on hold since the whole Germany thing.

I don't consider any of those to be major things in my life...but apparently the most memorable.

And final fun thing of the week, I got to step out of my 5-speed truck in my skirt and heels and trudge through the mud to go help someone with a stalled car. There is just such a nice balance between it all. Some of the guys in my mechanic class last semester gave me a little crap the first night of class when I showed up in my Civic looking girly and afraid to get dirty. The next week when I looked the same but drove my truck and let oil run down my arms and got scratched up by the engine block, they didn't pick on me anymore.

So, all in all, a great week. I hope this stomach virus I have now isn't indicative of how the next week will be.

Clarity of Conscience

2008-07-11T17:15:00.008+02:00

This is the conviction stick I've been beaten with over the last few days:

"As for myself, I do not care if I am judged by any human court. I do not even judge myself. I know of no wrong I have done, but this does not make me right before the Lord. The Lord is the One who judges." 1 Cor 4.3-4

I wish I had this clarity of conscience. I cannot even fathom in my depraved mind right now being able to say "I know of no wrong I have done." I want that though! It would be so freeing. So, the first step toward that for me is reconciling some relationships. In the past few weeks, I've tried to contact a few people with whom I have strained relationships. I don't know if they are "fixable" or not, but I have to humbly try.

To balance those out though, I've spent a lot of time cementing some solid friendships before I leave. Starbucks time with Jenna, Jenn, Micah, Dana, Amanda, Molly, Marie, Carly, Matthew & Caitlyn. Wow, for not being a coffee drinker, I sure have spent a lot of time at Starbucks this week. I don't like that "hanging out" time seems to revolve around food or beverage; I much prefer walks, bike rides....anything active really. Walks with Nate and Alissa. Motorcycle time with Brian. Driving lesson with Amanda (now she could steal a Viper if she needed to). More food with Kelly, Emily, and Korie. And some quality phone time with my new BFA friends- which has also been great building foundations for those friendships.

My sister and I gave our parents a family portrait session for their 30th anniversary. So, we did that this week too. The kids were so cute. Here are a couple pre-shoot photos:

1. Baron with his slick hair

2. Anna waving her hand so fast that it blurred!

3. Ben the Roly Poly

4. Allie: Are you really taking another picture?

A Week of Blessings

2008-07-08T01:33:00.010+02:00

I can already tell that this is going to be a week of blessing, encouragement, sugar and spice and everything nice. Ok, maybe not that romantic, but I think it will be a great one! It started with CFC yesterday morning. I had a table about Germany set up in the hall again and got to meet some great people who are excited about my going to BFA. Then the party went well last night! My mom wins all kinds of awards for cooking and decorating. I would rather pull teeth from a small child than plan a party. So, she took care of it, and it was wonderful. My favorite foods and my favorite people. The pledges from yesterday at CFC and the party have put me somewhere around 75% of my needed support! And hopefully people sent stuff to Janz last week and will continue this week that will get me to 100! Oh, I'm just so excited to see God bring it and make me feel like a fool for stressing.

I talked to Michelle Young today, who serves at BFA as the Maugenhard dorm mom, and she gave me some tips on packing: "You will probably have a furnished apartment, and whatever else you need we can come up with. So don't take anything except clothes, books, medicine, and rain gear." AMAZING! She is a hero of mine, and I can't wait to hang out with that whole family. When I first told her that I'd be coming to BFA, she informed me that I will be spending Thanksgiving and any other "family times" with them in the dorm, and that those Maugenhard boys are going to end up being my 30 little brothers.

Yes, this week will be good. Last week was tough. Even my friend Nate told me that my blog seemed like it was full of frustrated undertones. (Is that how you said it, Nate? I hope I'm not misinterpreting your interpretation of my honesty). This week I will work on happier honesty :)

Please pray that I will be able to connect with the CFC finance team this week and get a motion going to help support me. And for God to move in the hearts of individuals to give the last bit needed. Because, again, how stinkin cool would it be to be at 100% by early next week?!?! (After the last support update saying 46%) OH I really want to go. My heart hurts in a good way :) Janz Team has a policy of letting missionaries head to the field once they have 80% of their support raised, but CFC requires 100% before boarding the plane. I'm glad that they require that because I would probably get to Germany, get into the groove of life chillin at the Eis Cafe and decide that I could make 80% work just so I wouldn't have to keep at that type of ministry. So, it's going to stink when I want to buy that plane ticket at 80%, but it will be good once I'm there with 100%.

FUNNY THINGS: For anyone that was at my party, I feel the need to explain that when I get embarrassed (say by a room full of people singing to me) I can't breathe very well. And that is why it took me about 10 tries to blow out my 23 candles.

Also, today I got carded at the library. The "circulation supervisor," as her name tag boasted, came up to the nice lady who was scanning my items and said, "I don't think that's the same person. Look how chubby her face is here." Haha. Then she asked for my ID in case I was trying to steal the chubby girls' access to the free public library and keep the Panic at the Disco CD I was borrowing. Good thing I know I'm not of an unhealthy weight. People are funny.

The Master Party Planner, Mom

23rd Birthday Picture

2008-07-05T07:38:00.004+02:00

Me with my nieces and nephews:

Ben, Baron, Anna, Allie

(For happier pictures of the kiddos, check out my sister's blog)

Another praise

2008-07-04T15:51:00.003+02:00

I just made the "Answered Prayers" section a few days ago but just realized that I forgot a big one! My teeth are still holdin on!! Woohoo! For my new BFA friends who didn't know me a few months ago, here's the story: I love teeth. I worked in the orthodontic field for the last three years. I don't think I've ever gotten a job or date without mention of my smile. This past November, my very generous boss paid for a VNA nurse to come to the office and give all his employees flu shots. I've never had a flu shot before, but since he already took care of it, I stepped up to get stuck. I'm told that I got the shot, said thanks, turned around, and faceplanted. I don't remember that though. I remember waking up with my boss smashing something into my mouth and wondering to myself- since I couldn't talk- if I didn't have lips or a tongue; something definitely didn't feel right. One of my front teeth came all the way out, two were pushed back into the palette of my mouth, and the lips were just a mess. My superhero boss and coworkers got an oral surgeon on the phone to talk them through what to do. Everything was back in place (or pretty darn close) and braces were put on me before the ambulance got there. So, now you understand why it's a praise that my teeth are still in. Several stitches, 2 fractured jaws, 2 weeks of liquid diet, 3 root canals, 7 months of braces, and 1 numb lower lip later, I'm happy to have a smile that is mostly mine.

Vacations and Faith

2008-07-04T00:44:00.005+02:00

Do you ever have the thought, "why are the people I need most going on vacation when I need them most?!" It's a very self-centered thought of which I am guilty. The missions man at church is gone until July 21st. The two women in the personnel office at BFA who know about my housing are out until July 10th. (Where and with whom I am living are still up in the air as far as I know...as well as if there are any furnishings in the apartment/house/shanty/hut :) And the woman who provides weekly support updates is vacationing until July 7th. I just realized about 5 minutes ago that my target departure date is in 11 days and I don't know where I'm living or if I'm even remotely close to being able to buy plane tickets yet. Thus, God is forcing me to let go of plans and trust that no details have slipped His mind. And when He wants me there, He can get me there.

As of last week, I was at 50ish% support level. (CFC, my sending church, requires 100% to board the plane). But, I spoke with several people at CFC last week as well as a few at my other church, Resurgence. So, even though that 50% is a huge amount to me (about $1400/month more), it's not to God. And there are many people that's it's not huge to either. I really want to be on that plane in 11 days, and I know that it is possible. I mean, one fabulously wealthy person could write one check and take care of it. (If you, by the way, are fabulously wealthy and would like to be that person, feel free to email me at Sarah.Haymond@gmail.com and we will make arrangements. :)

I've listed the blogs of many of the friends I made in Canada a few weeks ago who I will be working with at BFA this fall. Check out their sites, and read their stories if you get a chance. Wonderful people who also need prayer, support, and encourangement.

God is faithful

2008-07-02T23:17:00.000+02:00

"God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." 1 Cor. 1:9

I just started on 1 Corinthians today and was already reminded that where God leads He provides.
------------------------------------------------

I cracked open the German books today! I told myself that once I stopped working I would be a studying machine. I've been off of work and back from orientation for over a week, and I just now got the courage to find out how much I've forgotten. Viel. A lot. I studied / watched old episodes of So You Think You Can Dance for a couple hours today and probably will for another 2 tonight. Actually, German is the only thing on my list that doesn't make my stomach tie in knots. The things I need to do are as follows: study German (not too bad but definitely not an attention holder), make phone calls (to people I don't know well asking if they would like to help support my ministry), pack (where to start?!), plan my birthday/going away/support team party (I couldn't care less about decorations, and I really get uncomfortable at the thought of having to entertain people). So, studying German was the obvious choice.

Praise. Today I came to a point where I really just wanted to lay on the floor and let myself feel overwhelmed by everything going on, but I knew if I did that then I would be letting Satan grab my foot so he could keep me on that floor and not doing any of the aforementioned things. And even though I knew that I shouldn't, I'm a weak woman...and I did... and about 10 seconds later one of my new BFA friends called and got me up off the floor. I'm so thankful that God uses friends and family to encourage me at just the right time. And I'm thankful for Viki calling when she did because I probably would've layed there for a long time (and not studied any German).

Seal it for thy courts above

2008-07-01T02:45:00.000+02:00

I love the song Come Thou Fount. I especially love singing it with a group of people who grew up singing hymns because they know how to do it right! You get the 80-year old men who aren't afraid to sing harmonies, and it just melts me. The last time I was in Germany, the only music I took along were a few praise and worship CDs. Considering I normally don't even listen to a whole song before I change it when I'm driving, much less a whole album, I expected myself to get really tired of "church music." But something incredible happened. Instead of having ridiculous songs about milkshakes and snappin yo fingers stuck in my head, it was all about God. It was awesome! I tell this because I've been glad to be singing "tune my heart to sing thy grace" over and over today.

Also today was Psalm 145.
"The Lord upholds all who fail, and He raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look expectantly to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing." vv.14-16

As I read, I thought, "I'm a failure who is bowing down. My eyes and everyone's around me are looking to God

....interruption...someone just called to ask if they could support me financially. Thanks God!

ok, so...My eyes and everyone around me are looking to God to provide financially for Germany (very cool that that happened mid-typing-praying for it, by the way) because there is no way I can come up with $70,000 for the next 2 years! But, I know He will provide in due season. Hopefully in the next 2 weeks even! He opens his hand and satisfies. I love it.

This past weekend, I got to speak with several people at CFC about what God is doing in my life as well as at BFA. And today, I went back to visit my former work, Dr. Randall Brown Orthodontics, whom I highly recommend for your orthdontic care :), and told my story some more. And then some phone calls and emails and lots of pouring out of details and praying. So, tomorrow Emily and I are going to Holiday World to have some much needed relaxation and girl time.

Along with Come Thou Fount and Psalm 145, I've also really been burdened to pray for my new Janz Team family that I met in Canada 2 weeks ago. (Janz Team is my sending mission agency who handles all the paperwork and money.) I really want us single folk to been grounded in our significance in Christ and the married couples to be strengthened and closer than ever through the support raising process. I cannot understand what it's like to go through this as a husband feeling the need to provide for his family or a wife finding the boundary between trusting him in that while also actively raising funds. But, I do know how lonely it is for a single person to get rid of all your stuff, ask complete strangers for help and then not be able to share those feelings with anyone who is in it with you. It's really tough. So, I don't know if anyone is reading this yet, but if you're reading this and going through that, be encouraged that you're not alone. You can call me if you just need someone to listen. I've already done that to a couple people (special thanks to Susan).

Happy Blogging

2008-06-28T20:23:00.000+02:00

Because my sister Jenny is a wise woman, I've once again followed her suggestion by starting a blog to keep anyone interested current on the happenings of my life while in Germany. I'm hopefully leaving sometime around July 14th to serve as the Personnel Officer at Black Forest Academy (BFA) in Kandern, Germany. I'm really excited to get there and hit the ground running, but right now my to-do list is pretty overwhelming. I'm currently in the process of raising up a support team and looking for some CFC support team captains. I cannot leave the states until all of the required finances (I'm at about 50%) have been received. The half already in amazes and humbles me, but getting the other half in such a short time is what's really going to blow me away. Good thing we serve a big God! It's incredible to know that God is going to let me be a part of shaping the lives of students at BFA...and not just let, He actually wants me there!

I went to Canada last week for new BFA staff members' orientation and was so blessed by meeting other people who are thinking "what in the world have I gotten myself into?" Getting ready for long-term missions is a lonely, draining process, but being able to call those new friends this past week and count on them being in the same boat has been quite uplifting. Despite meeting so many fantastic people and learning about the German culture, my favorite part of orientation week was the plane ride back from Winnipeg to Chicago. I couldn't go to sleep (even though I was dragging...), so I got out my prayer journal and started reading. Everytime I read an answered prayer, I circled it and wrote ANSWERED. After about 10 pages my hand was cramped, and I was seriously considering shorthand. But, I wanted to feel that pain in my hand from writing ANSWERED so many times. There were 100+ pages with that about 10 times on each page. Wow. I'm much better at asking than looking back, thanking, and sharing His faithfulness with others. A verse I've had on my heart lately says to "devote yourselves to prayer being watchful and thankful," and that impressed the verse on me even more. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness and encourage eveyone to devote some time to prayer, being watchful and thankful.