It's always entertaining to learn peoples' "tells-" something they consistently do in response to a certain stimulus. For example, I had a friend who used to bite his lip when he lied. Another always shifts her eyes up and to the left when thinking. A lot of people show their tells on their face, but some shift their entire stance, say certain things, or have different laughs for different situations. I used to pull on the skin just below my right eye when I was being sarcastic... that is until someone pointed it out to me. And now he does it as a joke. I think tells are fascinating, and for the most part, people don't think they have any (which is just as interesting to me). But they're just part of the idiosyncrasies of individual personalities.
I usually don't tell people what their tells are unless something is really wrong. Then something like, "hey stop playing tough. I know you are really hurt because you always..." can be valuable. In other situations, it has potential to either make people self-conscious and uncomfortable or make me look like a creepy stalker. So I tend to keep such information to myself.
But someone caught on to one of mine recently. As it turns out, my lower lip gives away how I'm "really doing." A friend apparently had kept that information to herself until she got worried enough about me to ask,"what is going on in your head? Your lip is raw. You always tear apart your lip when you're anxious about something."
Caught! Red-lipped! And she's right. Ever since my face plant "accident" in 2007, I can't stop messing with my bum lip when I'm thinking. I regained some of the feeling a few months ago, but it's still not all back. So I sometimes don't even realize I'm doing it until I taste metal. Yuck.
It's a bad habit that I'm trying to break. But, I'm glad that my friend pointed it out because it has made me try to figure out why the lipometer is in the red. And here it is..... an overwhelming lack of passion in my life. But that will change. Life feels as if it's currently in a holding pattern- that I'm just getting by instead of living it to the fullest, living it passionately for Christ, and instead of sucking the marrow out of life, my complacency is sucking my passion from me. Comfort, complacency, apathy, and the indifference of good men are some of Satan's most powerful weapons.
After my first trip to BFA in 2004, I loved the school and students but decided in my mind that I never wanted to work in an all Christian setting. I have such a stubbornly independent streak in me that makes me crave being different from the masses, and that's not necessarily good in Christianese environments. Not that being different is bad, but desiring to be different for the sake of difference is just asking for trouble. It often manifests in me as pessimism and a bad attitude under the guise of realism and pushing boundaries feigned as battling legalism. Being set apart in a nonchristian environment, however, is a good thing. I'm not really sure if this is a realization of how God has wired me and so I should follow where that's best suited. Or if it's just a barrier that I need to overcome.
But while here at BFA, I cannot be much different from the mold, because I agree with and respect it! So I'm caught in this strange paradox of being around the people that I want to emulate (in some aspects) but also craving feeling independent. Maybe I'm just afraid of actually connecting with people, getting attached and settling somewhere. Or maybe I just need to grow up. I don't know.
During the past few weeks, I've been doing research on what life is like for Christians in other parts of the world and have specifically honed in on the Afghan and Pakistan area. Talking with some friends who live there, reading some "lifting the veil" type books about women, reading their newspapers (and being really excited about being able to pick out a few words before switching to the English version) have me wondering what hope exists in a Muslim's heart... and what I can do about that. I've read the Koran a couple times but have no real grasp of what their life is all about. I found an interesting Muslim website today that points out what they view as biblical inconsistencies.
Instead of researching the inconsistencies of the Koran, I intend to work through that list of questions and make sure I am able to give an answer to anyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have. Some of the questions seem silly and circular, but if these are the legitimate contentions someone has, then I want to be able to give a more solid answer than "that's a dumb question." There are a lot of questions... I have a lot of studying and praying to do. I'm excited about that too! Hopefully doing something I care about will bring the lipometer back into the pale pink zone.
Also, I never put up pictures from my trip to Dallas last month. Here's a couple of Asha and me before her 80s bachelorette party. She was really excited about her jellies and backpack. Personally, the creepy faces on her shirt were my favorite. Less than 2 weeks until she's a Casano!
No comments:
Post a Comment