It's Official...

Yes, it's official. I have the coolest sister. (Even though she has a "cute" rat-dog.)

In case there was any question about her awesomeness and creativity, just check out the gift she sent me.

An "I have a pet marder" shirt. (For those of you who don't know what a marder is, check out the blog from last September entitled "Meet Mardy.") I still have him, by the way. And she sent some ziploc bags because they're expensive and not as durable here, a picture of the kiddos at Christmas, some bling for my nails, and a Barbie card with stickers inside. Haha, I'm not really sure why... I despise Barbie. I ripped her head off once or twice when I was a kid... the vacuum looked hungry. But, Jenny, on the other hand is incredible. She is my confidant and sanity-keeper. I am thankful that she has so many children that she has to stay home with them, because that means I can call her during the day. Most everyone else in the states I have to stay up until at least midnight or wait until the weekend to call. I tried to find some recent sister pictures but couldn't find any within the last year. So I opted for funny instead:

And this is a larger version of the kids' Christmas photo she sent. How cute are they??

They are my favorite nieces and nephews:
Allie, Baron, Ben, and Anna

Lipometer

The title of this blog should be read "lip-ometer" and not "lipo-meter." Although I was really tempted to write some long dramatic story about liposuction, I would probably get bored within a few sentences and stop anticlimactically.

It's always entertaining to learn peoples' "tells-" something they consistently do in response to a certain stimulus. For example, I had a friend who used to bite his lip when he lied. Another always shifts her eyes up and to the left when thinking. A lot of people show their tells on their face, but some shift their entire stance, say certain things, or have different laughs for different situations. I used to pull on the skin just below my right eye when I was being sarcastic... that is until someone pointed it out to me. And now he does it as a joke. I think tells are fascinating, and for the most part, people don't think they have any (which is just as interesting to me). But they're just part of the idiosyncrasies of individual personalities.

I usually don't tell people what their tells are unless something is really wrong. Then something like, "hey stop playing tough. I know you are really hurt because you always..." can be valuable. In other situations, it has potential to either make people self-conscious and uncomfortable or make me look like a creepy stalker. So I tend to keep such information to myself.

But someone caught on to one of mine recently. As it turns out, my lower lip gives away how I'm "really doing." A friend apparently had kept that information to herself until she got worried enough about me to ask,"what is going on in your head? Your lip is raw. You always tear apart your lip when you're anxious about something."

Caught! Red-lipped! And she's right. Ever since my face plant "accident" in 2007, I can't stop messing with my bum lip when I'm thinking. I regained some of the feeling a few months ago, but it's still not all back. So I sometimes don't even realize I'm doing it until I taste metal. Yuck.

It's a bad habit that I'm trying to break. But, I'm glad that my friend pointed it out because it has made me try to figure out why the lipometer is in the red. And here it is..... an overwhelming lack of passion in my life. But that will change. Life feels as if it's currently in a holding pattern- that I'm just getting by instead of living it to the fullest, living it passionately for Christ, and instead of sucking the marrow out of life, my complacency is sucking my passion from me. Comfort, complacency, apathy, and the indifference of good men are some of Satan's most powerful weapons.

After my first trip to BFA in 2004, I loved the school and students but decided in my mind that I never wanted to work in an all Christian setting. I have such a stubbornly independent streak in me that makes me crave being different from the masses, and that's not necessarily good in Christianese environments. Not that being different is bad, but desiring to be different for the sake of difference is just asking for trouble. It often manifests in me as pessimism and a bad attitude under the guise of realism and pushing boundaries feigned as battling legalism. Being set apart in a nonchristian environment, however, is a good thing. I'm not really sure if this is a realization of how God has wired me and so I should follow where that's best suited. Or if it's just a barrier that I need to overcome.

But while here at BFA, I cannot be much different from the mold, because I agree with and respect it! So I'm caught in this strange paradox of being around the people that I want to emulate (in some aspects) but also craving feeling independent. Maybe I'm just afraid of actually connecting with people, getting attached and settling somewhere. Or maybe I just need to grow up. I don't know.

During the past few weeks, I've been doing research on what life is like for Christians in other parts of the world and have specifically honed in on the Afghan and Pakistan area. Talking with some friends who live there, reading some "lifting the veil" type books about women, reading their newspapers (and being really excited about being able to pick out a few words before switching to the English version) have me wondering what hope exists in a Muslim's heart... and what I can do about that. I've read the Koran a couple times but have no real grasp of what their life is all about. I found an interesting Muslim website today that points out what they view as biblical inconsistencies.

Instead of researching the inconsistencies of the Koran, I intend to work through that list of questions and make sure I am able to give an answer to anyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have. Some of the questions seem silly and circular, but if these are the legitimate contentions someone has, then I want to be able to give a more solid answer than "that's a dumb question." There are a lot of questions... I have a lot of studying and praying to do. I'm excited about that too! Hopefully doing something I care about will bring the lipometer back into the pale pink zone.

Also, I never put up pictures from my trip to Dallas last month. Here's a couple of Asha and me before her 80s bachelorette party. She was really excited about her jellies and backpack. Personally, the creepy faces on her shirt were my favorite. Less than 2 weeks until she's a Casano!

Guests

Who knew that someone incessantly ringing my doorbell at 2:30am would make my day? But that's exactly what happened a few nights ago. I very rarely sleep whole nights through, so I was actually awake when the doorbell rang... and rang... and rang. It took me a few seconds to remember that I don't live alone, and that if I don't answer the door that one of the other girls will. So I bolted down my shaky spiral staircase to Katie and Cara's floor. Cara was already talking to whomever woke her up... Andy! He had some travel complications, and after a lot of walking in France and an expensive cab ride, he showed up here... at 2:30 in the morning. Katie and Cara ushered him in, listening to his story and making tea while I carried his bags upstairs and made my room guy friendly. (I stayed in the guest room with Cara).

The thing that made my night was that Andy knew he would be welcome here. I love that. I love people, and I love providing a getaway for them. So it made me happy that he felt comfortable enough with us to wake us up, throw his bags in the hall, and let us take care of him. My home has an open door but is useless if no one ever walks through it. I'm glad when people do.

The next morning, we took Andy to the guys' place. And the following I took Cara to the airport. Going from a full house to an empty one (Katie was gone with friends too) made me sad. So I tried to go snowboarding again, but it was too icy. Then I tried to track down friends; the guys were busy. The girls were scattered among other friends, boyfriends, and knitting. So I showed up at the Chasteens (family with whom I spent Christmas day) because they seem like open door kinda people too. Twas fun to be with a family.

And today, another guest comes!! A surprise visit from an Evansvillian! LaDawn has been visiting a friend in France for a couple weeks and decided to check out Germany while she's here. So with her, Cara and her mom coming soon, and dogsitting two pooches next week, I'll have plenty of people (and animals) to love :)

It reminds me of my dream to run a halfway house. That would be such an incredible ministry- to offer second chances to those who can't find them anywhere else and challenge them to make the most of the chance. Loving people practically, occasionally getting in their faces, and showing them the forgiveness of Christ. Oh I would love that. This picture, by the way, is of the Blackwell House in Anderson, IN.

Snowboarding

I went snowboarding for the first time Sunday and loved it (except for the lifts that I never got the hang of). I was so excited/nervous that I only slept about 3 hours. Still dark and early, Cara and I loaded up our borrowed-from-Maugenhard gear and went to pick up Micah and Chris. I wasn't sure how all 4 of us and our boards were going to fit into my average-sized sedan, but both the guys are the engineering, make-it-work type and made it work. The ride was funny. I was in my happy place- driving curves (although I spent most of the time thinking about how much more fun it would've been in a 911, R8, or something of that beautiful nature). Micah was the navigator who didn't pay much attention to Nuvi, the GPS. So Cara became the default back seat navigator. And Chris was the entertainment. We headed to Feldberg, the highest mountain in the state and just about 50 km NW of Kandern. It was wicked cold. I'm glad that Cara made me wear more layers than I wanted to.

As we stood in line--more like a throng-- for the first lift, Cara Micah and Chris talked me through some basics. Unfortunately the lesson of "don't try to sit on the lift thing; just let it pull you" didn't take. And when I tried to sit on it, I took my first spill of the day. Not painful but humbling to realize that I wasn't going to be naturally good at this. Those of you who have known me for any length of time probably know that I don't often like doing things I'm not naturally good at. So, the whole day was a very stretching, humbling, and fun one for me.

I waited at the bottom of the hill for my three friends with years of experience to greet me with "it's ok"s and "everyone falls off the lift at some point." I wanted to understand the physics of how boarding worked, so Cara and I stood behind a snowboarding class for a while so I could watch and glean. The guys got a break from me for a while and did their own thing. While Cara, ever so patiently walked backwards down the hill holding my hands while I tried different skills. What a good friend :) But after a while I asked her to leave me alone so I could make some mistakes and figure stuff out on my own.

I was equating this process to learning how to drive stick: last summer I bought a brand new manual trans without knowing how to drive it. Dad drove it to a parking lot for me, showed me the basics and rode with me for about 20 minutes. And then I kicked him out and told him I'd see him at home later. And that's when the real learning took place- while I was alone and could experiment. So Cara went on a long run by herself, and I found the wimpiest little sled run where I could test myself without someone holding my hands. I conquered the tiny hill 4 times then moved on to a real run. Everything was fine until I got to a big drop where all the cool guys were doing jumps. I freaked out and stopped myself by colliding with a padded light pole. I would've been content to lay there for a few minutes, but some man was picking me up before I'd even completely opened my eyes.

At this point I thought I had learned everything my brain could handle for one day, but Chris and Micah were not convinced. After all, the only minimally painful fall I'd had was with the sign. And how can someone learn to snowboard without some battle wounds?

So the three of us (don't know where Cara was) went to the T lifts. They talked me through it as we waded through the throng. I was so nervous! Chris went first to show me what to do. And Micah went with me- telling me before we got on, "just stand there and I'll do everything." The only thing I had to do was stand, and what did I do? I'm not really sure, but it wasn't standing because we fell. But Micah's the man and somehow pulled me back on. We ended up making it all the way, but with every bump he reminded me, "you're ok. Just keep standing."

Now atop, I imagined putting on my motorcycle helmet and barreling down the mountain taking out small children along the way. After all, my biggest fear was hitting my face on something and repeating last year's facial/teeth injuries. But if I'd had my helmet, I'm not sure what I would've been scared of.

But given that my helmet is currently in my parent's garage, I was a whiny, scared little girl. But Chris and Micah were so great. Chris would explain some skill, do it, then plop down in the snow about 25 feet away. Then Micah would pep talk me into trying it, following right behind me. This went on for a long time. I felt bad for those guys going so slowly with me when I bet they just wanted to fly down. But I was the only one complaining. Poor guys ;) I wouldn't have had the patience to put up with me. Every time I fell they sat down and waited for me to get the nerve to try again.

We finally made it down, found Cara, breaked for some food, then went back out to the same devil T lifts as before. Cara and Chris went first. Then Micah (again telling me to JUST STAND) and me. We didn't make it very far. But once again, he still had one arm gripping the bar and the other around me. They stopped the lift, and just as we were almost back on, they started it up... and we were dragged until my board somehow flipped sideways and got stuck in his. I really wish I could've watched us looking like a pretzled car wreck. It was funny from my perspective, but I bet it was hilarious to the people right behind us.

Somehow he talked me into trying it again, although I made him promise that he'd go without me if we fell again. After a brief initial slip up, we made it almost all the way up! Because Micah was busy getting me on the lift and telling me to JUST STAND!! he didn't actually get on the T. And his back foot wasn't on the step grip thing. So when we hit a bump near the top, we went flying. Again, Micah was my hero and very patient with me, following down behind me, encouraging me to get up when I fell, and pulling me up when I didn't want to.

All in all, it was a great day, and I am so thankful to have had such patient teachers. I didn't really get hurt, only ran into 1 person and 1 pole, and kept tackling the lifts despite falling every time. I consider that a mostly successful day :)

1019

When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19

I love when God brings righteous conviction through watching someone else lead his or her normal life. A verse that has been a 2x4 to my mind and heart for the last several years is Prov 10:19. I can justify running my mouth as venting, asking for advice, or even asking for prayer. But it is probably the most obvious sign of my human depravity.

Recently, I was challenged and encouraged by a friend who apologized for something she said to me about someone else several months ago. I really wanted to thank her for the reminder, but I was afraid she would interpret that as cynically meaning "thanks for making me feel guilty for what I just said 5 minutes ago. I'll be sure to watch what I say around you." So I just smiled, thanked her for being obedient to repent, and made a mental note to emulate her as she emulates Christ.

Because I want to be glorifying Christ and not flaunting my old sinful nature, I've been studying the ways in which we sin with our tongues. And let me tell you, there are so many more ways than just lying...

Lying is an obvious misuse of the tongue. Prov 25:18 says a man who lies is like a sword or sharp arrow. Prov 6:17 states the Lord hates lying- that a liar will be broken beyond repair. Flattery in Psalm 5:9 comes from the open tomb of a throat, leading to inward destruction. Those are harsh words to be paired with flattery. Words of flattery (not to be confused with genuine compliments, but trite platitudes) in Psalm 12:3 also go along with proud words. David prays that the Lord "cut off all flattering lips and the tongue that speaks proud things." The overused tongue in Ecclesiastes 5:2-3 sounds all too familiar to me:

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words."

Sometimes when I'm talking I can hear how foolish I sound, but the words just keep spilling out along with my pride. I argue with myself: maybe if I keep going I'll be able to recover and fix all this.

God says in Prov. 18:13 that folly and shame are his who has a swift tongue and speaks before he listens. We should, instead, "be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (Jas 1:19). The backbiting tongue of Prov 25:23 "brings angry looks" and is in the same category as murder, hatred of God, and "every kind of wickedness" in Romans 1:29-31. Gossip is a poison that "goes down to a man's inmost parts" according to Prob 18:8. Cursing similarly "enters into the body like water" and can be retained as a garment that one wears all the time (Psalm 109:17-19).

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Prov 12:18). This verse is different than the others because it contrasts the wickedness of the tongue to its potential for being instrumental for good; it can heal too! The tongue can be used for good too: for glorifying God, edifying and encouraging one another, for teaching, correcting, rebuking, singing, praying, etc.


Who knew the tongue could wear so many hats? Lies, flattery, pride, overuse, swift, backbiting, gossip, cursing, and recklessness.

"The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts... it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." Jas 3:5-9

Please pray for me as I try to submit my words to Christ. I want to be exude truth and wisdom, not the poison I've been so quick to pour into my soul and others.

By the way, in my research of the tongue, I learned that crocodiles can't move their tongues.

First thing's first

Recently someone asked me what the first thing is that I would do when I went back to the States. I didn't have an answer then. But looking back now (I've been on American soil for a few hours), the first thing I did here that I wouldn't have done in Germany was to tell a joke to a stranger.

I'm quieter and more reserved in Germany- kind of dull really without the ability to connect with people through wise cracks. It was so nice to look around Detroit and soak up the confidence that came with seeing a sea of people that I could effectively communicate with. Ahh, the motherland.

I'm waiting for my flight from Detroit to Dallas but am happy to report that I haven't gotten sick yet!! I only slept for 3 hours last night, so I was able to sleep through most of the train ride from Basel to Frankfurt this morning. Then when I got to the airport, I met the love of my life... not really, but he was an excellent flight attendant. First of all, this German man thought I was German (which always makes me feel good and boosts my language confidence). When I found my seat, he asked if I planned on sleeping most of the time. When I answered yes, he asked the man sitting next to me if he'd like to move to another seat a few rows away. The dude followed the suggestion, then my attendant friend came back and told me that now I could stretch out between three seats and wished me pleasant dreams. That made all the difference. I slept through one of the snacks. When I awoke, he showed up with chocolate ice cream in hand, telling me he set some aside for me. And then, when there were some problems that had our plane going in circles for a while, and we landed 4 minutes after my next flight took off, he called and rebooked a ticket for this evening, which was hand delivered as soon as I got off the plane...along with a voucher for a free meal, some frequent flyer miles, and a discount coupon for my next flight. Nice! Who says money can't buy love?

One more flight, and then I get to be with Asha! Yay!!

True Friendship

Jafer, Asha & Me 2003.

I know a friendship is real when I can invite myself to someone's bachelorette party and bridal shower... and invite myself to stay at that person's apartment and be chauffeured to and from the airport at last minute's notice... and know that they would be ECSTATIC about it all!!!

That's my Asha :)

Ashaface, my best friend and college roommate, is getting married on Jan 16th, and unfortunately I can't go. So when she told me Monday that her parties were this weekend, you can imagine my excitement as I dreamed of crashing it!

So I busted tail Monday and Tuesday to get a week's worth of work done, bought my train and plane tickets today, and am headin out at 4:30 tomorrow morning!

I should be packing, sleeping, finishing up some work stuff, writing cards that I intend to mail from the States or getting together my 80s outfit for the party. But instead I'm watching Prison Break, eating Heath bars and penning odes in my mind about my love for Ashley as I reel in excitement.

Asha likes milk chocolate, and I like dark. Asha likes standing on desks when she doesn't get enough attention, and I like trying to knock her down. Asha loves her male family members...and so do I :) Asha likes doing hair, and I like having mine done. Asha likes to sip coffee, wear man pajama pants and read a book with her cats for days on end... then take a random trip to Vegas. I like to down my hot chocolate while tormenting her cats, and then take a random trip to New York. Asha likes to do silly things when she is "Shmashley," and I enjoy laughing at and taking care of her. Asha likes Gilmore Girls, and I like Prison Break. She likes Eloise and poetry, and I like soccer and fixing things. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, Ashley, you complete me. hahaha, just kidding. I know I could never compete with Frank the Tank.

Maybe I will write a list of remember whens on the flight. Like, remember when we threw the mattress out the fourth floor window? Or the day we became "blood sisters" after a wrestling match on concrete? Or when we listened to the animaniacs "nations of the world" song on repeat...in collge? :)

Ashaface is a true friend, and for her I am very thankful. It's too bad that we live on different continents and that she's about to become one of "those people"-- married ones who only hang out with couples, that is. Hmm, on second thought, are all your male family members married off?

Ok, it's 8pm and I haven't packed a thing. Time to go raid a girl's dorm for 80s gear.

Me and Asha 2003-4ish